I’ve always been a real sucker for the Russian revolution.

I am deeply sorry that I didn’t write a Howdygram post yesterday. I tried a couple of times but succumbed frequently to the following variety of ongoing physical complaints: 1) my left heel feels like somebody’s frying it with a blow torch — due to diabetic peripheral neuropathy — and the pain only stops if I elevate my leg; 2) three big hypoglycemic episodes; 3) I fell at home Tuesday night [see post] and plan to milk it for all it’s worth; and 4) I can’t think of anything else. Thank you for putting up with me.

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I’ve actually got a DOUBLE WHAMMY public service announcement today! First, for your possible interest here’s a sparkling introductory video from our And I’ll Bet You Always Thought Your First Husband Was Boring department. Meet Professor Shoelace — real name Ian Fieggen — a very low-key Aussie with a personality like drywall who patrols the streets of Melbourne analyzing other people’s shoelaces and making unsolicited suggestions. (Do your best to stay awake.) Ian also operates Ian’s Shoelace Site in a one-man effort to promote the technical knowledge and creativity of shoelaces (seriously). This includes hundreds of lacing tutorials, lacing methods, lacing news, hints and tips, full-color diagrams, knot comparisons, charity shoelaces, shoelace books and a handy worldwide shoelace marketplace. Holy shit, right?



Second, if you’ve ever wanted to learn how to pronounce the top 200 most popular prescription drugs, CLICK HERE for a convenient voice tutorial. I suggest that you look up all the drugs you’re taking so you won’t sound like an idiot at the pharmacy asking for Valacyclovir, Ipratropium Albuterol or Nifedipine. (You’re welcome.)

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This is a highly important day at Howdygram headquarters because I’m expecting my February Subscribe & Save delivery from Amazon. This month’s shipment includes all of the following excellent shit.

Incidentally, the long-handled butane lighter (I ordered a three-pack) and the No-Rinse Bathing Wipes are not technically subscription items. I bought them separately a couple of days ago and Amazon decided to throw everything into one carton. I’m okay with that. Thank you, Amazon!

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There’s nothing much on my schedule today except for nuking a box of cheap On-Cor Salisbury steaks — WITH BUILT-IN GRAVY AND REAL GRILL MARKS! — for lunch and watching Nicholas and Alexandra (1971), the opulent big-budget historical drama starring Michael Jayston and Janet Suzman as the last of the over-dressed Romanovs. I’ve always been a real sucker for the Russian revolution because there’s a lot of snow, gorgeous jewelry, Rasputin is a total crackpot and all the Romanovs die in the end because nobody really knows what else do do with them.

Thank you for reading this.