Everybody is ignoring me. Do I have to blockade the lab with my wheelchair to get some goddamn attention?

I have a medical conundrum of the first degree, guys. On Tuesday I was instructed by Dr. Singh, my shiny new cardiologist, to get to get my first Coumadin blood test TOMORROW — which is my last oppportunity before Sam goes out of town for eight days — BUT I CAN’T FIND ANYBODY TO DO IT! Dr. M’s office turned me down because they only do Coumadin testing on Tuesdays (what the fuck?) and the appointment desk at Dr. Singh’s office downtown at Baylor Hospital ISN’T RETURNING MY CALL.

I’m really freaked out about this because Coumadin is a very, very big deal. It’s a blood thinner that essentially turns you into a HEMOPHILIAC and there are lots of potential health risks if you’re not taking the correct dose. Since the only way to know if you’re taking the correct dose is with regular blood tests, I HAVE TO GET THIS DONE TOMORROW BUT EVERYBODY IS IGNORING ME. Holy crap, do I have to blockade the lab with my wheelchair to get some goddamn attention from these people?

But wait ... there’s more! Something is also going on with my left eye and I think it’s CONJUNCTIVITIS. Yesterday it felt like I had a rough dry spot under the lid and today my eye is watery and itchy and feels like it’s partially glued at half-mast. I DON’T NEED THIS HOO-HAH RIGHT NOW. All I wanted was a nice peaceful week at home alone with Jell-O and baloney sandwiches flying under the radar while Sam is away and I wind up dealing with a rambunctious eyeball and a last-minute emergency blood test. Holy crap.

---

Remember my Howdygram post from a month ago when I lampooned Putz of the Week Governor Piyush “Call-Me-Bobby” Jindal of Louisiana for thinking he’s white enough to hang with the neo-Con racists in the Republican party? If you do, you’ll appreciate this latest jaw-dropper that elevates Jindal’s holy-fuckery to a whole new level. Behold the governor’s brand new official state portrait, which is white enough to win an Oscar!

Jindal is clearly a politician who believes in “change.” He changed his name from Piyush to Bobby, he changed his religion from Hindu to Catholic, and now he changed his ethnicity. Between Bobby Jindal turning white and John Boehner glowing orange, President Obama’s skin color should be the last thing conservatives are worried about.

Thank you for stopping by. Next time bring a few sweet rolls, okay?