American idiot tries running with the bulls. The bulls won.

I’ve got all kinds of fascinating news to share this morning, and as is my wont to do I’ll list everything in neat, subtitled paragraphs to avoid confusing anybody, yours truly included. Thank you for paying attention.

SAM CAME HOME YESTERDAY. Glorioski, guys! I was never been so happy to see anybody in my entire life. We shared a bag of Schwan’s mozzarella sticks for dinner and watched The Naked City (1948) starring Barry Fitzgerald and Howard Duff and After the Thin Man (1936) starring William Powell and Myrna Loy (the one that’s shot in San Francisco co-starring Jimmy Stewart). It was a perfect Sunday night.

IT’S RAINING. This may not be a huge deal to YOU, but it’s a very huge deal in Texas because we still have a big-ass drought going on. Makes you wonder why all the devout Christians around here can’t get Jesus to fix the weather. (I’m just saying.) The red star on the following map denotes Howdygram headquarters.

THERE’S TRASH PICK-UP TODAY even though it’s Presidents’ Day ... and I double-checked the City of Mesquite’s website to make sure. THIS IS VERY FUCKING WONDERFUL. We missed both pick-ups last week when Sam was in California because I’m too damn handicapped to drag garbage bags to the curb. (I can’t even drag MYSELF to the curb.)

I THINK I’VE FINALLY FOUND A PERSON WHO LOVES HIS JOB. It’s Jim Cantore from the Weather Channel, as evidenced by this recent video of him having a hysterical nervous breakdown during a thunder-snow event in Boston.

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In case you missed this story all over the Internet, the suave, French and adorable Louis Jourdan died on Valentine’s Day at the age of 93. He was one of those rare “pretty boys” who didn’t really age very well. By the time he was in his mid-40s he started looking kind of sharp and scary, so most of his movie roles ended up being villains. When Jourdan was younger, though, he was GORGEOUS. (See for yourself.)

My favorite Louis Jourdan movies are Gigi (1958) with Leslie Caron and Maurice Chevalier and The Swan (1956) with Grace Kelly and Alec Guinness. Coincidentally, TCM is showing Gigi tonight at midnight in case you want to record it. (I always record it.)

Jourdan was married for 68 years to Berthe Frédérique, who died in 2014. Wow. That’s one hell of a long time, isn’t it? (I’d be willing to bet he didn’t crack his knuckles or leave socks on the coffee table.)

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My final tidbit today is the Howdygram’s latest Einstein Award, which I’m pleased to present to Benjamin Miller, a 20-year-old American student from Georgia who was celebrating (and probably drunk) at the Carnaval del Toro yesterday in Ciudad Rodrigo, Spain, when he reportedly decided to participate in the running of the bulls. A photographer on scene captured the entire incident, which left Miller with serious injuries to his thighs, asshole and back muscles. WHAT AN IDIOT.

“It's not the worst injury I’ve ever seen but it's the biggest goring wound I’ve ever had to operate on,” surgeon Enrique Crespo told reporters after performing a three-hour operation on Miller, who is now in intensive care.

That bull really rectum even though Miller’s underwear held up surprisingly well. Holy shit.

Thank you for reading this.