Saturday, July 28, 2018

I love ordering products for the first time from Wal-Mart, and today’s order was packed with first-timers.

It’s Saturday at 6:03 a.m., Sam is already on the way to Samuell Park for his morning hike, and I’m holding down the proverbial fort at Howdygram headquarters with a MacBook balanced on my stomach. Sam said he’d stop at Wal-Mart later on the way home … we need another bag of frozen Pillsbury Grands biscuits and a box of Stove Top Chicken Stuffing. Is this a great little life, or what?

I love ordering products for the first time from Wal-Mart, and today’s order is packed with first-timers! These include: 1) Glory Sweet Potato Casserole; 2) Del Monte Soggy Zucchini in Italian Tomato Sauce; 3) Swanson Turkey Gravy; 4) Chef Boyardee Mac & Cheese; and 5) Margaret Holmes Seasoned Italian Green Beans with Black Mystery Flecks.

Items 1, 2, 4 and 5 — in other words, the canned goods pictured above — could be perfect little meals or late-night snacks when I’m lying down on the chaise … because it’s pretty rare that I actually get to sit up for my meals any more. And incidentally, even though I do remember mom heating up Del Monte Zucchini as a dinner side dish when I was a kid, it’s been at least half a century since I’ve tasted it, and therefore I believe it should qualify as a “first-time product” for our purposes here. Thank you for your support.

Yes! I’ve got another batch of nice FREE FONTS for you this afternoon … two scripts (“Wanda” and “Retrology”) and two lovely display fonts (“Bananito” and “Rebel Rouser”). I’ve decided to keep my new free fonts to a minimum from now on, maybe no more than 12 at a time, which should be rather easy to do, actually, because I really don’t find too many new fonts that interest me any more! (Holy shit ... seriously?) Truth is, I’ve already got more than FOUR THOUSAND FONTS on my iMac … and that really should be enough for anybody.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Every now and then I try to delete fonts that I don’t use any more — or have never used at all — to avoid the inevitable OS meltdown.

I’ll include download links below the graphic. Enjoy!

I’ve got an announcement for you: I’M HAVING DIGESTIVE PROBLEMS TODAY. Sam made me Stove Top Chicken Stuffing for lunch a little while ago, and unfortunately I just couldn’t keep it down. I guess I’m having swallowing difficulties again. I was finished eating, sitting quietly at my keyboard, typing this Howdygram post, when all of a sudden here comes this revolting, other-worldly sound — BWAHAHABLECCH — at which time lunch comes flying out of my mouth, including half a dozen whole mushrooms, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree. Holy crap.

When Sam wakes up from his nap I’ll ask for a couple of Popsicles, because I never have any trouble eating Popsicles. Something ice cold would sure feel fucking fabulous right about now.

So here’s the deal … it’s my pleasure to introduce two more cute new mugs in The Howdygram Store! These are excellent, affordable gifty things for holidays, birthdays, co-workers, grab-bags, friends, relatives, neighbors, you name it. We’ve got 145 mug designs available, AND THAT’S A LOT OF GODDAMN MUGS. Isn’t it time to go shopping?

It’s official: My dinner’s in the oven! Sam is making me three Pillsbury Grands buttermilk biscuits, which are bland enough and pleasant enough not to upset my stomach. In the meantime, though, I think I’ll head back to the chaise lounge and unwind.

Thank you for reading this. Sincerely.

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