Monday, October 5, 2015

Donald Trump believes that entertainment value and ratings make him the savior of America.

I think it would be swell if South Carolina sent us an inch or two of rain because we haven’t had any measurable precipitation here since the second week of June. And please let me repeat this in case you’re not paying attention: IT HASN’T RAINED HERE SINCE THE SECOND WEEK OF JUNE. The only reason the local authorities still allow us to shower and flush the toilet is because we had a 20-inch deluge back in May that filled the reservoirs. Other than that, we’re fucked. And there’s nothing in the forecast, either, as you’ll note on the following graphic from Summer temperatures, zero rain, lots of sun. We could croak from the boredom here already.

A story today from the 2016 Republican clown car gives us none other than Donald Trump — again — shooting off his big stupid mouth by announcing that he’s the savior of the presidential race and the television industry because there would be a “major collapse” in both should he ever decide to end his campaign.

“There’d be a major collapse of the race, and there’d be a major collapse of television ratings,” he said today from his office in Trump Tower. “It would become a depression in television.” Trump also said that a presidential campaign without him would become so “boring” that he would struggle to pay any attention to it.
Holy shit. How did the United States ever manage to elect a president without the excitement of Donald Trump? This asshole isn’t running because he’s serious about the outcome ... HE’S RUNNING FOR ENTERTAINMENT AND RATINGS! The presidency is not a goddamn joke, Donald! If you want to be the savior of America, do us the ultimate favor and JUST DROP DEAD.

We’ve got great news for shut-ins who can’t get themselves into a bathtub. Get yourself a case of TRANQUILITY CLEANSING WIPES ... on sale today at Allegro Medical for just $44.99! Believe it or not, this shit actually works. I had to rely on them for three weeks back in June while we waited for our new master bathroom shower enclosure to be installed. Sad but true, because as a handicapped senior citizen I was unable to use our hall bathroom with the step-in tub. (The day our shower glass arrived I was so excited I almost had a nervous breakdown.)

Sam went back to work today after his nice week of vacation in California. For the next three months he’ll be working the later tier of second shift from 3 to 11 p.m., which means I’m on my own here for dinner. Due to a long list of mobility difficulties I can’t make it into the kitchen or stand up long enough to cook actual food, so I’ll dine at my desk in the study with Mountain House freeze-dried entrees for senior citizens. I survived on them last week for breakfast, lunch and dinner — not counting three breakfasts of buttered rye bread and Planter’s trail mix to break the monotony — and did quite well with the help of bottled water, an electric tea kettle, plastic flatware and a roll of paper towels. Tonight’s menu: Beef Stroganoff. (It’s already rehydrating because I’M STARVING.)
I ordered a few more Mountain House freeze-dried entrees this morning from Amazon, including Spaghetti and Meat Sauce, Noodles and Chicken, and Chili Mac with Beef. FYI, that last one, the Chili Mac, is my new favorite and the best I’ve ever tasted. IT’S GODDAMN OUTSTANDING. I ordered six pouches.

I’ll be trying Mountain House’s Spaghetti and Meat Sauce for the first time later this week (oh boy!) and look forward to writing a product review afterwards using the Howdygram’s official five-chopper rating system. Please feel free to resume your normal activities in the meantime.

And finally ... here’s our thought-of-the-day from Occupy Democrats:
Thank you for reading this.

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