Friday, April 3, 2015

The shitty mystery fever returns.

I lost a whole day yesterday. At 9 a.m. — about an hour after finishing my Thursday Howdygram post — my temperature skyrocketed to 103 and I got attacked by chills, joint and muscle pain and a pounding headache. As a result I dragged myself — wailing in pain and scaring the living crap out of Sam — back and forth from the bathroom to bed for the rest of the day and all night long. A couple of hours ago my shitty mystery fever finally broke and I found myself sprawled out in bed in a puddle of whatever secretes from the pores of a senior citizen in situations like this. Below was yesterday’s Shit-O-Meter report.
Some of you may recall my shitty mystery fever episode from last summer [see post] when I collapsed in the bathroom on a Saturday night with a 104° temperature and smashed our toilet to smithereens, eventually ending up in the emergency room at Baylor Hospital the following morning due to being so fucking miserable Sam couldn’t figure out what to do for me. (Poor Sam has the patience of a saint.)

It’s 7:30 a.m. right now. When Sam wakes up I’ll ask him to nuke me a couple of Jimmy Dean breakfast croissant sandwiches because I’m hungry enough to eat a rhinoceros and my blood sugar is a total wreck. I ate almost nothing yesterday except for a mug of Easy Beef Vegetable Soup for Senior Citizens — Sam made it for me all by himself! — and a few fistfuls of potato chips without injecting any mealtime insulin because I was too sick and shaky to fill a syringe.

Happy Passover from Howdygram headquarters! Although Sam and I aren’t really “observant,” we definitely immerse ourselves in traditional hardcore holiday cuisine because we believe there’s nothing better than a good matzo ball. We’ll ring in Passover tonight by watching The Ten Commandments (1956) starring Moses (pictured above), Rameses, Nefretiri, fantastic plagues and a cast of millions.

I have three real tasks on my Friday agenda: 1) refill my pill organizer for the week ahead; 2) eat the rest of my Sam-made Easy Beef Vegetable Soup for Senior Citizens; and 3) call Blue Cross about how to get a CoaguChek meter so I can monitor my Coumadin level at home. Apparently Wal-Mart’s pharmacy can’t get one for me so I’ll ask Blue Cross to recommend a medical supplier. Please stay tuned for additional details and thank you for reading this.

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