Friday, April 17, 2015

Senior citizens can be excellent multi-taskers when necessary.

I want to apologize to Sam in giant type for scaring the living crap out him this afternoon.

I’m sorry, Sam.

In case you need the back story on this, at 2 p.m. I woke up from a nap in the middle of a HUGE TERRIFYING CRISIS that involved very low blood sugar, a bladder on the verge of a nuclear meltdown and the realization that I probably didn’t have the energy to make it to the bathroom. So I did exactly what any other rational old woman would do in the middle of a personal emergency: SCREAM MY FUCKING HEAD OFF. Sam had been asleep on the sofa and sat up so fast I think he hit his head on the ceiling. The following events transpired in the immediate aftermath:
  • I knock over my walker, cry like a baby and chant “Oh my God I have to pee!” all at the same time, thereby proving once again that senior citizens can be excellent multi-taskers when necessary.
  • Sam turns off the TV. We had been sleeping through White Cargo (1942) starring Hedy Lamarr as Tondelayo and Walter Pidgeon as Harry Witzel.
  • I get up and drag myself to the bathroom.
  • I sit on the toilet eating Wal-Mart glucose tablets.
  • Sam makes me a very fast bowl of Easy Cheesy Rice for Senior Citizens with Shitty Knees in a Pot plus a Marcytini because I’m starving to death and also thirsty.
By the time Sam left for work at 2:15 I was comfortably situated on the sofa with napkins and my lucky fork (don’t ask) eating the aforementioned Easy Cheesy Rice and watching “People’s Court.” Then I took a shower.

What’s new at your house today?

It appears as though we’re finally expecting some REAL WEATHER tonight as evidenced by the following map from The teeny red star denotes Howdygram headquarters.
Apparently there’s a severe thunderstorm watch in effect here until 10 p.m. with the possibility of hail the size of basketballs, so I might have to hide in the closet for a while. (I wonder if King China would deliver during a hailstorm.)

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