Thursday, April 23, 2015

It’s Triple Whammy Thursday at Howdygram headquarters.

Welcome to Triple Whammy Thursday at Howdygram headquarters, where the world’s best blogger (me) has been dealing with a lot of serious crapola this morning. And here’s my list for your possible interest.

WHAMMY #1: I SPENT ALL NIGHT ON THE CHAISE IN THE FAMILY ROOM. I honestly don’t know how it happened. I put my feet up at midnight to watch TV with Sam and when I woke up it was 6 a.m., I was all alone, the TV was still on and the lower half of right arm was paralyzed. I also didn’t feel too well — probably because I hadn’t taken my prescription painkiller (Norco) since 10 p.m. the night before — so I dragged myself to the bathroom and then to bed for two more hours of sleep.

WHAMMY #2: A SERIOUS “LOW.” When I finally got out of bed at 8:15 my blood sugar was only 44, I was having trouble breathing, my knees felt like I’d been whacked by a baseball bat and I was THOROUGHLY MISERABLE. Add to this all the joint pain and body aches associated with missing two doses of Norco and you’ll understand why my Shit-O-Meter is registering at level 7 right now.
WHAMMY #3: THE SHITTY MYSTERY FEVER RETURNS. Yes, friends, IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE! My fever is 99.4° and rising, and this happens to be a substantial number for a person like yours truly whose normal body temperature is 96°. With any luck maybe I can spend all day in bed with Jell-O after Sam leaves for work. (Jell-O is good for a fever. Also coloring books.)

I’ve been amusing myself this morning with — go on, take a guess — SHOPPING! I began with a supply of health food from Wal-Mart, which included low-carb milkshakes from Glucerna and Atkins plus two bags of Bugles. BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRUNCHY THINGS IN BAGS.
Then I ordered a set of four excellent wicker media baskets from Target to help organize the growing collection of crapola on the lower shelf of our coffee table in the family room. They measure 6½" wide by 16" long by 4½" high and will hold pills, note pads, remotes, DVDs, snacks, coasters, insulin syringes and kleenex.
And last but not least I also ordered myself a teeny “padfolio” thingie with a cheap calculator from Amazon that also holds a mini legal pad. Plus a pack of 12 mini legal pads. I’ll keep the padfolio in the family room in one of my new media baskets so I can take notes in case somebody calls me on the phone and I won’t sound like an idiot.
I desperately need a nap right now. Thank you for reading this.

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