Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Governor Jindal of Louisiana wants the world to know he’s the Senate’s Honorary 48th Traitor.

Hello from my house to yours. We’re having a pukey, heavily overcast day here in north Texas and I haven’t felt much like doing ANYTHING today. Sam took me to the doctor this morning for my Coumadin blood test (details follow) and then we came straight home for the world’s fastest lunch and a nap. I can’t even remember what the hell I ate. My fork was a blur.

And now ... MY BLOOD TEST RESULTS! The magic number today was 3.2, which means the Coumadin is working but my blood is actually a little too thin now. The target range is between 2 and 3; anything higher (or lower) is unacceptable. I wanted to suggest stirring in a little corn starch but I didn’t think my nurse would get the joke. We’ll test again next Tuesday morning, and if nothing changes Dr. M will probably adjust my medication.

Here are the rest of today’s “vitals” for your possible interest: blood pressure 110/70; heart rate 78; temperature 98.2°. The question is, if I’m so goddamn perfect why do I always feel like shit?

I’ve got another fresh Putz of the Week for you, people, and once again we’re acknowledging Governor Piyush “Call-Me-Bobby” Jindal of Louisiana, who wants the world to know he’s one of the anti-Obama cool kids and the Senate’s Honorary 48th Traitor.
“Call-Me-Bobby” apparently drew the short stick in today’s Iran 47 counterspin when, in a desperate effort to inject himself into the action, he tweeted some bizarre bullshit ... including a demand that troops-hatin’ Vice President Joe Biden owes treasonous Senator Tom Cotton an apology. Tom Cotton was yesterday’s Putz of the Week [see post]. There’s actually a chance he might qualify for Putz of the Century.
Howdy Doody Jindal — always the attention whore — is at it again, this time surfacing as a rat jumping onto a sinking garbage scow. He’s so jealous he got left behind because he isn’t a Senator and didn’t get invited to sign Tom Cotton’s letter that he failed to notice that his potential 2016 presidential primary rivals — Senators Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, and Lindsey Graham, all of whom DID sign the letter — have been suspiciously silent while they scramble to figure out how to not look like a bunch of goddamned traitors to the United States of America.

Here’s a newsflash for “Call-Me-Bobby.” Military service doesn’t bestow Senator Cotton with magic powers that give him automatic license to troll Iran at the President’s expense. Perhaps if you’d served in the military, you creepy little bastard, you’d understand this better. You and your party of trash-talking buffoons owe America, President Obama and Vice President Biden an apology for your inexcusable disrespect and intentional sabotage.

Therefore ... I’m asking Howdygram readers to PLEASE SIGN THE WHITE HOUSE PETITION to file official charges against the 47 senators who signed Tom Cotton’s letter and violated the Logan Act, which forbids unauthorized citizens from negotiating with foreign governments. Violation of the Logan Act is a felony, punishable under federal law with imprisonment of up to three years. Holy crap, wouldn’t that be GLORIOUS?
Thank you for your support. Seriously.

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