Friday, February 20, 2015

I’ve always been a real sucker for the Russian revolution.

I am deeply sorry that I didn’t write a Howdygram post yesterday. I tried a couple of times but succumbed frequently to the following variety of ongoing physical complaints: 1) my left heel feels like somebody’s frying it with a blow torch — due to diabetic peripheral neuropathy — and the pain only stops if I elevate my leg; 2) three big hypoglycemic episodes; 3) I fell at home Tuesday night [see post] and plan to milk it for all it’s worth; and 4) I can’t think of anything else. Thank you for putting up with me.

I’ve actually got a DOUBLE WHAMMY public service announcement today! First, for your possible interest here’s a sparkling introductory video from our And I’ll Bet You Always Thought Your First Husband Was Boring department. Meet Professor Shoelace — real name Ian Fieggen — a very low-key Aussie with a personality like drywall who patrols the streets of Melbourne analyzing other people’s shoelaces and making unsolicited suggestions. (Do your best to stay awake.) Ian also operates Ian’s Shoelace Site in a one-man effort to promote the technical knowledge and creativity of shoelaces (seriously). This includes hundreds of lacing tutorials, lacing methods, lacing news, hints and tips, full-color diagrams, knot comparisons, charity shoelaces, shoelace books and a handy worldwide shoelace marketplace. Holy shit, right?

Second, if you’ve ever wanted to learn how to pronounce the top 200 most popular prescription drugs, CLICK HERE for a convenient voice tutorial. I suggest that you look up all the drugs you’re taking so you won’t sound like an idiot at the pharmacy asking for Valacyclovir, Ipratropium Albuterol or Nifedipine. (You’re welcome.)

This is a highly important day at Howdygram headquarters because I’m expecting my February Subscribe & Save delivery from Amazon. This month’s shipment includes all of the following excellent shit.
Incidentally, the long-handled butane lighter (I ordered a three-pack) and the No-Rinse Bathing Wipes are not technically subscription items. I bought them separately a couple of days ago and Amazon decided to throw everything into one carton. I’m okay with that. Thank you, Amazon!

There’s nothing much on my schedule today except for nuking a box of cheap On-Cor Salisbury steaks — WITH BUILT-IN GRAVY AND REAL GRILL MARKS! — for lunch and watching Nicholas and Alexandra (1971), the opulent big-budget historical drama starring Michael Jayston and Janet Suzman as the last of the over-dressed Romanovs. I’ve always been a real sucker for the Russian revolution because there’s a lot of snow, gorgeous jewelry, Rasputin is a total crackpot and all the Romanovs die in the end because nobody really knows what else do do with them.
Thank you for reading this.

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