Friday, July 18, 2014

The Howdygram proudly adds “fuck” to its growing online vocabulary.

I don’t know whether you noticed or not, but this morning I finally liberated the Howdygram by officially diversifying my online vocabulary to include FUCK [see post, third paragraph] because it’s the coolest, most expressive word in the English language and I absolutely refuse to be stifled any more by my own pointless censorship. Therefore, please note that occasional, appropriately-placed fucks will appear in the Howdygram as needed from this point on and I thank you in advance for understanding.

And now I’m anxious to introduce you to a brand new Putz of the Week! Meet pretend-journalist Kristinn Taylor, who this week guest-authored a horseshit “news” article for an ultra-conservative website — The Gateway Pundit — that was filled with horseshit facts, horseshit lies and an incendiary horseshit headline that pretty much set right-wing Internet rumor-mongers on fire: “WELCOME TO AMERICA! FEDS TO OPEN $50 MILLION RESORT FOR ILLEGAL CHILDREN – COMPLETE WITH TENNIS COURTS, SAUNA & POOLS.”
Taylor’s completely fabricated story (his lies appear here in red so you won’t miss them) claimed that the Obama administration has awarded a $50 million contract to Baptist Child & Family Services (BCFS) to buy and transform a five-star Texas luxury resort into a 600-bed facility for “juvenile illegal aliens” by October 1. He went on describe the Palm Aire “resort,” which is located in Weslaco, Texas, with the following amenities: an Olympic-size pool, free Wi-Fi and cable TV, sauna, steam room, two racquetball courts, outdoor tennis courts, picnic area with grills and a fitness center with twenty machines and free weights. He added that BCFS intends to hire 650 highly-paid employees earning from $10 to $45 per hour and also plans to build a soccer field adjacent to the hotel. The following photo accompanied Taylor’s article.
And now let’s pick apart the Putz’s lies, shall we?
  1. The Obama administration had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with this, and the federal government didn’t offer anybody a $50 million contract.
  2. Baptist Child & Family Services had considered bidding $3.8 million to purchase the rundown Palm Aire motel with their own funds and repurpose it into a 600-bed dormitory to house and care for immigrant children on a temporary basis while they wait to be processed in court.
  3. This motel is NOT a five-star luxury resort. This is not a five-star ANYTHING, especially if you check out the reviews on Trip Advisor. The Palm Aire motel has been for sale since January 2013 due to everything falling apart and the guest rooms are moldy.
  4. Nobody in their right mind would hire 650 highly-paid employees to care for 600 kids.
  5. A soccer field? Holy crap.
At this point I’d like to add that BCFS decided against bidding for the Palm Aire following a firestorm of hate and backlash from the right-wing BASED ON THE “FACTS” IN TAYLOR’S BULLSHIT NEWS STORY. But here’s the most ironic twist of all: Now immigrant children are stuck in overcrowded, inhumane jail-like conditions that the right-wing has been complaining about since day one of “Obama’s alien invasion.”

I think Kristinn Taylor deserves a high-five in the face with a chair. Thank you for reading this.

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