Friday, July 18, 2014

Terrific canned meat and shockingly shitty midwestern recipes.

The lying sacks of poo at did it again. They predicted two days of severe thunderstorms and four to six inches of heavy rain here in the Dallas metro area that never materialized except for half an inch yesterday afternoon. An area just north of us, however, got slammed BIG TIME. I refer specifically to Valley View and Denton, where they got 12 inches of rain in five hours, and Interstate 35, roads, underpasses and city streets all look like the Colorado River. I’ll post a few flood pictures in case you give a crap. (Do you think we’re still technically having a drought?)
In other news, my first shipment from Brinkman Farms arrived yesterday and I’ve already promised Sam I’ll make Marcy’s World-Famous Senior Citizen Thanksgiving Bowl [see recipe] tomorrow for dinner, God willing. (Holy crap. I think I just turned into my mother.) I ordered two-pound cans of fully-cooked white meat turkey, beef chunks, chicken, ground beef and a can of beef vegetable soup, all excellent high-protein choices for senior citizens like yours truly with chronic pain and mobility issues who can’t hang out at the stove to cook things any more even though we really want to and occasionally get despondent.

Included with my canned meat from Brinkman Farms was free sheet of shockingly shitty midwestern recipes, such as: 1) Turkey Enchiladas made with cream of chicken soup and cream cheese (in enchiladas? what the fuck!); and 2) Turkey & Triscuits Casserole Bake that includes a crumbled Triscuits crust, cream of celery soup, mayonnaise and asparagus. Gah.

All of a sudden I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyeballs open, a clear signal that it’s officially time for my first nap of the day. Thank you for reading this and be sure to come back later for more stupid news.

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