Friday, June 13, 2014

The Internet is so incredible I think my brain might explode.

I’ve got a bold statement for you: I am not superstitious and nobody at Howdygram headquarters gives a crap that it’s Friday the 13th. Around here it’s been business-as-usual today and we’ve managed to occupy ourselves with the following list of interesting family activities: 1) Sam checked in online with Southwest Airlines and printed a boarding pass for his flight tomorrow morning; 2) I sandblasted all the dead skin off my feet with an Emjoi Micro Pedi (if you don’t have one of these you should buy one NOW on Amazon plus a package of replacement rollers); 3) the toilet seat lid in our guest bathroom fell off; 4) I made a new appointment for an ankle-brachial index test at Baylor Medical Center in Garland so we can find out if my legs have any blood pressure (I have my doubts); and 5) I can’t think of anything else.
I also think you should know that Sam and I ordered ourselves a superior four-DVD set of extremely cheesy sci-fi classics from Amazon this morning that includes all of the following titles:
  • The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (1962) starring Virginia Leith as Jan-in-the-Pan, a talking severed head that’s being kept alive in a dish of grape Kool-Aid with wires and electrodes while her mad scientist boyfriend (played by Herb Evers) tries to find a suitable replacement body, preferably a stripper. When Jan gets bitchy HE TAPES HER MOUTH SHUT (this is actually the best part).
  • The Neanderthal Man (1953) starring Beverly Garland as a waitress and lots of people you never heard of.
  • The Amazing Transparent Man (1960) about a lunatic with a secret formula and a plan to create an army of invisible zombies.
  • Reptilicus (1961), the Danish interpretation of Godzilla with a vomiting rubber sock puppet terrorizing Copenhagen. And ... IT CANNOT BE KILLED BY ATOMIC BOMBS.
Please note that Amazon has already shipped our new science fiction collection FOR SUNDAY DELIVERY. The Internet is so incredible I think my brain might explode.

Thank you for reading this.

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