Sam is at Dealey Plaza right now, getting ready for his first-ever protest hoo-hah.

I’m still dicking around with the Howdygram. Thursday afternoon I changed the wood background in the banner (again) and in the matching copyright section at the bottom of the right sidebar. A few more changes will show up tomorrow ... if I can stay awake long enough. This doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, because I had nine hours of sleep overnight but never really snapped out of it. An hour after I woke up I was ready to lie down again. I’m upside-down.

Please remember the Alamo tonight after you floss, okay?

Sam and Josh went “gallavanting” today. Due to inclement weather — i.e., an ice storm — in Oklahoma they had to skip their excursion to the Choctaw Casino in favor of sleeping late and a bowl of oatmeal followed by a driving tour of nearby cattle country, which is practically across the street. The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) cattle ranches. Seriously, I wouldn’t kid you about cattle ranches.

I really can’t imagine what would be appropriate for National Digital Rectal Exam Day.

It’s Saturday, 11:02 a.m., and Sam is on his way over to Fuel City for homemade sugar-free fried pies — apple, pineapple and apricot! — and the world’s tastiest tacos with free limes, free grilled onions. two different kinds of salsa and a whole free jalapeño pepper. (Oy!) Fuel City is a new-ish truck stop in Mesquite at the route 80 service road and Town East Boulevard, one exit before the big Wal-Mart. Fuel City truck stops are very popular throughout Texas.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia dropped dead today. Let’s eat saltines.

It’s hard to believe there’s already another Republican debate tonight, this time hosted by CBS and the Wall Street Journal from somewhere in South Carolina. I seriously don’t understand why in hell these assholes find it necessary to continually debate each other because THEY’RE ALL THE SAME PERSON — evil, arrogant, regressive, racist, misogynistic, whiny and repulsive — and nothing ever changes! Tonight’s event, however, will be the first debate minus Chris Christie, Carly Fiorina and Jim Gilmore, who all suspended their campaigns after the New Hampshire primary. This evening’s candidates from the pit of hell will include Donald Trump, Turd Cruz, Dubya’s Brother, John Kasich, Marco Robot and Ben Carson. (Ben Carson’s campaign has been on life support since before the Iowa caucuses. I think everybody would love to know where he’s getting the dough for this never-ending dead-end endeavor.)

Republican leadership wants to launch a secret “draft Romney” campaign at the 2016 GOP convention.

You may be interested to know that I’ve just survived a weird and frequently shitty Saturday during which the good and the bad included: 1) intense pain; 2) two exquisite four-hour naps to distract me from item number one; 3) a box full of Fuel City tacos for lunch with hot sauce and a sugar-free fried pineapple pie; 4) sleeping through two episodes of “Columbo”; and 5) I can’t think of anything else. It’s presently 11 p.m. and I’m considering a very late dinner because there’s a big thunderstorm coming and my stomach is making unintelligible noises. Lobster ramen and Voortman’s sugar-free Almonettes come to mind. Please let me know within the next 15 minutes if you’d like to join me. An email will suffice. Thank you.

Saturday in Texas. Thunderstorms, torrential rain, maybe a tornado and spotty hailstones.

Happy early Saturday morning from Howdygram headquarters, where I’ve got a cup of water nuking in my teeny new desktop microwave and a fuckton of exciting news to share with anybody who gives a crap. Do you give a crap?