I really can’t imagine what would be appropriate for National Digital Rectal Exam Day.

It’s Saturday, 11:02 a.m., and Sam is on his way over to Fuel City for homemade sugar-free fried pies — apple, pineapple and apricot! — and the world’s tastiest tacos with free limes, free grilled onions. two different kinds of salsa and a whole free jalapeño pepper. (Oy!) Fuel City is a new-ish truck stop in Mesquite at the route 80 service road and Town East Boulevard, one exit before the big Wal-Mart. Fuel City truck stops are very popular throughout Texas.

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I’ve been having pain issues today owing mainly to the shitty weather pattern we’re expecting through the middle of next week, as indicated on the following screen shot from Weather.com. My entire body has turned into a gigantic limping barometer with lousy feet. I just checked the weather map online and there’s a substantial blob of thunderstorms (two of them, actually) headed our way right now. In addition we’re also expecting a severe hoo-hah tomorrow ... with hail as big as Buicks!

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This has been a productive day for The Howdygram Store on Zazzle. I created three new subcategories of Accessories — Passport Holders, Checkbook Covers and Luggage Tags — and in-between several substantial doses of my favorite prescription painkiller I managed to design an array of thrilling whatnots that coordinate with each other. Here’s a sample assortment for your possible interest. The prices are excellent, and I strongly suggest shopping at The Howdygram Store for Mother’s Day, graduation, Hanukkah, National Digital Rectal Exam Day and (of course) birthdays. I ALSO DO CUSTOM DESIGNS ON REQUEST ... although I really can’t imagine what would be appropriate for National Digital Rectal Exam Day. Thank y’all and shalom.

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To help with inspiration for all of the above I bought an amazing collection of high-resolution leather background textures earlier today from Etsy.com in 64 different colors. That’s a fuckload of leather, people, and the colors are like opening a brand new box of crayons. Are these gorgeous, or what?

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We are acknowledging our latest dead celebrity tonight, actress Anne Jackson, who passed away April 12 at age 90. Her obituary didn’t include a cause of death so I’m assuming it was simply “old age and wrinkles.”

Jackson was the widow of Eli Wallach, who died in 2014. They were so inseparable it was almost impossible to find a photo of her that didn’t include him. They were married for 68 years. Anne Jackson had very good hair.

As a couple Jackson and Wallach starred together on Broadway for five decades and also did TV dramas and a few movies. You probably have to be my age to remember them from their busiest years in the 1960s and 1970s. They were also guests now and then on “The Tonight Show” with Johnny Carson, and Anne appeared alone on “Law and Order,” “Marcus Welby, M.D.,” “Rhoda” and “Gunsmoke.” It was a full life.

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Everybody is so wound-up and terrified about Donald Trump — his whining, his threats, his greed, his hate, the violence and his yooge (and stupid) Mexican wall — that we frequently tend to forget the equally-obnoxious Republican candidate hovering directly behind him: SENATOR TURD CRUZ, the right-wing anti-abortion Canadian asshole who frequently hints that he’d support a “personhood” amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

A “personhood” amendment, in case you’ve been living under a rock for the last few years, is legislation that would give Constitutional rights to fertilized eggs, because being rabidly anti-abortion apparently isn’t good enough any more. Seriously. Last summer when he picked up an endorsement from a far-right group Cruz signed a pledge promising to “support a personhood amendment to the U.S. Constitution” that would include — ready for this? — PROTECTING THE CIVIL RIGHTS OF THE PRE-BORN AT AN EMBRYONIC LEVEL.

Pre-born at an embryonic level?! Holy shit, THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING INSANE.

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And now it’s finally time to migrate back into the family room for some relaxation, a good movie and quality time with Sam. Tomorrow I’ll get back to uploading new designs to The Howdygram Store and trying to steer clear of thunderstorms. They’ll be in full swing here by 5 a.m.; the scary stuff starts around 11. Auntie Em!

Thank you for reading this. Say hi to the family for me.