Republican leadership wants to launch a secret “draft Romney” campaign at the 2016 GOP convention.

You may be interested to know that I’ve just survived a weird and frequently shitty Saturday during which the good and the bad included: 1) intense pain; 2) two exquisite four-hour naps to distract me from item number one; 3) a box full of Fuel City tacos for lunch with hot sauce and a sugar-free fried pineapple pie; 4) sleeping through two episodes of “Columbo”; and 5) I can’t think of anything else. It’s presently 11 p.m. and I’m considering a very late dinner because there’s a big thunderstorm coming and my stomach is making unintelligible noises. Lobster ramen and Voortman’s sugar-free Almonettes come to mind. Please let me know within the next 15 minutes if you’d like to join me. An email will suffice. Thank you.

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With a heavy, heavy heart that I am grieved to report yet another tragic celebrity death: Marjorie Lord, the attractive but mediocre actress who played Kathy Williams on the 1950s sitcom “Make Room for Daddy” starring Danny Thomas. Marjorie Lord was 97 and died at home in Beverly Hills. She is survived by two children — including actress Anne Archer, who is a wacko in the Church of Scientology — and a pile of grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Marjorie Lord’s career was filled with nondescript roles in mostly boring TV shows and movies, such as one 1950 episode of “The Lone Ranger,” the movie Springtime for Henry (1935) starring Edward Everett Horton, a minor role in Sherlock Holmes in Washington (1943) starring Basil Rathbone, and two appearances on “The Adventures of Kit Carson” in 1954. After “Make Room for Daddy” was canceled in 1964 Lord basically did nothing whatsoever for the next 50 years. Rest in peace.

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Oy, I just read an article online that the Republican party leadership — is that a classic oxymoron, or what? — is so disgusted with unelectable assholes like Donald Trump, Ben Carson and Ted Cruz that they’re secretly plotting to open up next year’s GOP national convention and run a hush-hush behind-the-scenes “draft Romney” campaign from the floor. There are two rather serious problems with this scenario, however.

First, it’s not exactly a secret any more if the Howdygram is writing about it, and second, drafting a two-time loser who repeatedly tells the press he doesn’t want to run is NOT a promising political strategy. Nobody wants to see Mitt Romney in the White House ... and that includes Mitt Romney. The Republican party is completely screwed.

And while we’re at it, I’d like to suggest that every American — especially card-carrying bigoted Republican retards like Donald Trump, Ben Carson and the United States Congress — take a few minutes to watch the following Frank Sinatra video from 1945. I remember seeing this in grammar school in the 1950s. Maybe it’s time for school districts all over the country to start showing it again.

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Thank you for reading this!