I want to cancel my goddamn dental insurance already!

It’s been a rough afternoon around here, and I need a nice refreshing Howdygram post to calm me down a little. The crisis du jour revolves around MetLife Dental and our ongoing effort to collect some dough on the claim that’s been outstanding since — ready for this? — JANUARY. Every time we call MetLife Dental it’s the same stupid confusion, the same stupid “missing information,” the same stupid bullshit. Today, for example, they wanted my “group” number (there isn’t a group number … I’m not a MetLife employee!), the name of my dentist and my dentist’s tax I.D.

So … Sam called Elite Mobile Dental, got the information MetLife needed and then called them back. Tomorrow we’ll find out if they made any progress … but I’m not especially hopeful.

The bottom line is, I want this claim finished so I can cancel my goddamn dental insurance already! MetLife has been withholding $17 a month from my Social Security check since the first of the year to fuck around with a claim that should have been settled in February. Stay tuned for additional information but please feel free to resume your normal daily routine in the meantime.

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THE INFECTION THAT NEVER DIES. My hospice R.N. (Stella) was just here for her regular Monday afternoon visit. After checking my vital signs — blood pressure 120/64, oxygen 97%, heart rate 67 — we re-tested my pee for any sign of a lingering urinary tract infection … and know what? I’m still testing positive! So Stella said she’d text my test result to the hospice staff physician and let him know what’s going on. We expect him to send over another antibiotic tonight so I can get started on another medication all over again. I’m SO sick of antibiotics! Why are these damn pills as big as South Dakota? The only way I can take them is if Sam chops them into bits and hides them in a mound of Cool Whip!

I’M SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING SICK AND TIRED. That lingering UTI (see previous paragraph) probably explains why I still feel droopy, limp, weak, less cheerful, occasionally feverish and generally mostly lousy. My appetite is also weird. (I live on Popsicles.) HEY, MAYBE IT WAS SOMETHING I SAID. While Stella was taking my blood pressure she commented that the lamp on my round end table was “absolutely gorgeous,” and that she thought it was gorgeous every time she’s been here. Which prompted me to tell her that when I bought it a couple of years ago it came as a “matched set” … and if she wanted the other lamp, she could have it. (Seriously … it’s still boxed and sitting on a shelf in our garage.) Stella declined, and after she left Sam told me that he thought it was really weird that I offered it to her. WTF? Really weird? Do YOU think it was really weird? Because I thought it was really sweet … and if somebody offered me a free “absolutely gorgeous” lamp, I’d be thrilled about it!

SHOW OF HANDS, PLEASE. Therefore I’d be interested to know what you think about this. Was my free lamp hoo-hah WEIRD or SWEET? Would you accept a free lamp if you loved it? I’m so damn confused about this …

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This afternoon I was thoroughly consumed with a design project concerning The Howdygram Store. For example … a few months ago Zazzle decided to change its setup for 5" x 7" vertical and horizontal greeting card formats without telling any of its designers (such as yours truly). Therefore, at the present time the greeting cards appear in my store in two different (very confusing!) styles, as illustrated below. Seriously, which one would you rather buy? Don’t actually bother to answer that, however, because for the rest of the week I’ll be switching them all to the “Preferred Format” (see below) as that’s the one I like best and the one that provides a better showcase for my designs.

After plugging away for several hours I could already see what a tedious process this would be. I’d have to delete every card that Zazzle switched to that new “crappy” format (there are maybe dozens of them) and upload all the artwork a second time, all four sides of every card. There would’ve been an easier method except I accidentally didn’t give it enough thought before I got started. That’s the story of my life.

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So it’s Monday night — almost 9 p.m. — and Sam is thoroughly unconscious on the sofa. For a while we were watching Rachel and the Stranger (1948) starring Loretta Young and William Holden, except a movie in the background is totally distracting when I work on the Howdygram … so I turned off the TV altogether and decided to sit here with my oxygen generator running. Not exactly comforting, but what the hell. It’s nice. (It gurgles and thumps.)

I think I’ll gurgle-and-thump myself to sleep. Thank you for reading this, and I’m pretty sure I have no energy to consider the Alamo in any way whatsoever. What a shame.