Even though I have a recurring nightmare that my hospice will get fed up with all this endless helplessness, I’ve been reassured time and time again that I’m actually the kind of patient they exist for. The only thing I can do all by myself is eat!
We’re down to our final two days on TCM’s Summer Under the Stars festival, featuring the movies of a different star every day during the month of August. Today they’re showing movies with Marcello Mastroianni, and tomorrow we get Joan Crawford. I don’t care much for Marcello Mastroianni (or movies with Italian subtitles) so I won’t be watching or recording anything today on TCM … but tomorrow will be different because I like Joan Crawford, I like Joan Crawford’s movies, and tomorrow TCM has picked an interesting variety of her films! My favorites include:
SPRING FEVER (1927) with William Haines [silent]
ACROSS TO SINGAPORE (1928) with Ramon Novarro
RAIN (1932) with Walter Huston
THE LAST OF MRS. CHEYNEY (1937) with William Powell and Robert Montgomery
MANNEQUIN (1938) with Spencer Tracy and Ralph Morgan
WHEN LADIES MEET (1941) with Greer Garson, Herbert Marshall and Robert Taylor
ACROSS TO SINGAPORE (1928) with Ramon Novarro
RAIN (1932) with Walter Huston
THE LAST OF MRS. CHEYNEY (1937) with William Powell and Robert Montgomery
MANNEQUIN (1938) with Spencer Tracy and Ralph Morgan
WHEN LADIES MEET (1941) with Greer Garson, Herbert Marshall and Robert Taylor
TORCH SONG (1953) with Michael Wilding and Gig Young
HARRIET CRAIG (1950) with Wendell Corey
GOODBYE, MY FANCY (1955) with Robert Young
Of the nine films listed above I think you should make a real effort to record Torch Song and Harriet Craig. They’re “quintessential Crawford.” In Torch Song she’s a monstrously egomaniacal, self-absorbed musical comedy star who abuses absolutely everybody, including her relatives, her boyfriend (Gig Young), her accompanist, her co-stars and the blind pianist (Michael Wilding) hired to help her with rehearsals. You should also check out Joan’s freakish makeup and garish Technicolor wardrobe. In Harriet Craig Joan is a similarly monstrous, self-absorbed “perfect wife” who fusses more about her home, her furniture and her privacy than her husband (Wendell Corey). The bitch scares off EVERYBODY, and it’s a great scene — you’ll want to stand up and cheer — when her husband finally figures out what she’s been up to!
THURSDAY, 6:00 P.M. I’ve had a thoroughly uninspiring day. Meh. I was hoping to get up before lunch and spend several productive hours at my iMac workstation ... but it just didn’t happen. It feels too good to lie here like a lump, pop fistfuls of drugs and type! Tomorrow will probably be different, maybe even better, but I’m positive that Sam would understand if it’s not. Standing up, walking, and moving — even just a few steps — all require an unbelievable amount of determination and energy. When I can’t do it I’ll just have to be satisfied lying down and staying where I am. It’s okay. I’m giving myself permission to do nothing!
Until a couple of minutes ago Sam was watching Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) starring Richard Carlson, Richard Denning and Julia Adams … but as soon as I realized Sam had fallen asleep I had to turn off the TV because the background commotion was driving me insane. Below is a sample scene from Creature from the Black Lagoon. The Creature always dragged poor screaming Julia to his scary “lair” in the lagoon, which looked like a gigantic clamshell thing. No matter how often this happened, or how much time Julia had to spend underwater, she never had wet hair. It was magic!
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| The Creature had a hard time staying away from Julia Adams. She had a fabulous pair of eyebrows. |
And while I’m talking about food, I’ve got a terrific Wal-Mart order coming tomorrow … it includes six cans of Great Value Whole New Potatoes, two twin-packs of Stove Top Chicken Stuffing, three cans of Campbell’s Chicken Gravy, three jars of Green Giant Whole Mushrooms, two cans of B&M Brown Bread (you know … pumpernickel!), a 12 oz. can of Armour Roast Beef with Gravy, six boxes of Wyler’s Italian Ice Pops and two cans of Keystone Beef. You have no idea how excited I am! I can spend Labor Day weekend eating FAKE HOMEMADE POT ROAST ... because that’s what Keystone Beef tastes like, especially if you heat the canned potatoes in the liquid from the can of beef. The flavor is absolute heaven.
In the meantime, however, I’m ready to do PIZZA.
Dinner was late tonight but completely delicious — pizza! — although at the present time I’m having SEVERE “ELECTRICAL SHOCKS” down the outside of my left foot, in several toes and around the outside of my left heel, all of which are caused by diabetic peripheral neuropathy. This feels like TOTAL SHIT and makes it extremely uncomfortable to rest my foot in any position whatsoever. I have to keep wiggling my foot from side to side, for example, which looks as stupid as it feels. But I’ll survive.
It occurs to me that EXTENSION CORDS are a very important part of my life. I’ve got them running surreptitiously hither and yon all over the family room now … underneath my chaise lounge and our leather sectional, behind and below a lovely round wood end table. Extension cords run my iMac computer workstation, my oxygen generator, various lamps and — now, at last — my MacBook laptop (after pestering Sam about it for the last few weeks). While the cords that run my oxygen and iMac arguably might be the most important, I have to admit that I’m awfully damn excited about the latest connection to this snakepit of electrical extensions … MY LAPTOP! Never again will I have to shut down a Howdygram post in the middle of 2 a.m. creative streak because my MacBook’s almost out of “gas.” I’m so happy I think I’ll have an ANEURYSM! Tonight I’ll finally be able to continue typing as long as my fingers hold out. Woo-hoo!
And finally, we’ve been enjoying some REALLY TERRIFIC MOVIES tonight, boys and girls. These include The Guns of Navarone (1961) starring Gregory Peck, David Niven and Anthony Quinn, To Have and Have Not (1944) starring Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall and Walter Brennan, and Let’s Make It Legal (1951) starring Claudette Colbert, Macdonald Carey and Zachary Scott.
Thank you for reading this. And if you’ve got any grandiose plans for the Alamo this weekend, give it a rest. Thank you.
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