I think I destroyed my vocal chords this morning after insufficiently swallowing my medications.

Ahh, it’s Sunday! We just scooted past 12 midnight — okay, I’m lying … it’s 12:56 a.m. — and I feel perky enough to write at least one fucking sentence before I fall asleep again. For the record, I spend most of my time either falling asleep or being asleep. I think it has to do with all the drugs I take, and which drugs I take: Norco, extended release Morphine and liquid Morphine. And at least twice a day I take all three at the same time, which fucks me up bigly, and I absolutely love it. Woo-hoo!

---

I shall begin today with a major, five-star kvetch that concerns an occasional propensity to insufficiently swallow my morning meds and then fall asleep immediately afterwards, thereby allowing the aforementioned morning meds to dissolve — and burn a goddamn hole — in the back of my throat. Such as this morning. Holy shit, it took four tropical Popsicles and one Wyler’s Italian Ice pop — blue raspberry! — until my throat finally cooled off. Unfortunately, I may have damaged my vocal chords in the process because I sound like a gravelly baritone cartoon character.

A complete roster of my Sunday health complaints includes: 1) a “fried throat” from those insufficiently-dissolved morning meds, as detailed above; 2) no energy whatsoever; 3) a lingering mosquito bite on my right wrist; 4) shitty knee pain, as usual; and 5) a possible low-grade fever, although I can’t take my temperature right now due to consuming a large quantity of Popsicles. So I’ll just lie here whining on the chaise lounge, watching Bagdad Cafe (1987) starring Marianne Sägebrecht, Jack Palance and C.C.H. Pounder. An fine, peculiar and stimulating film. You should see it sometime. It’s about a thermos.

---

I’d like to devote a few minutes right now to what’s coming up this week, okay? I’ve got three bathing and hygiene events scheduled with my hospice C.N.A. (Letitia) at 10 a.m. on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and a visit from my hospice R.N. (Stella) sometime on Monday … but we never know when, exactly. Usually it’s around 5 p.m., although last week she was here at noon. (You get my drift, right?) Sometimes there are additional R.N. visits, too, for instance: 1) if I’m not feeling very well; 2) if I’m having any problems with my catheter; 3) if there’s another urinary tract infection creeping up on me; and 4) if the pressure sores on the back of my thighs are leaking “goo” or bleeding. (I apologize if that’s too much information.)

In case you haven’t been following the Howdygram lately, I just finished major hoo-hahs with #2 (involving a complete catheter change) and #3 (seven days on another antibiotic), and since Thursday I’ve been having severe pain with #4 so Sam had to bandage one of my pressure sores before I sat down at my computer workstation. We’ll have to ask Stella to take a look at it tomorrow. For instance, maybe there’s some medication we should be using. Jesus. It’s always something, isn’t it?

---

Kindly allow me to tell y'all about an excellent can of food that I’ve recently added to my pantry: Margaret Holmes Seasoned Italian Green Beans with plenty of flecks. This is a tasty, southern-style recipe, the same kind that’s generally served as a “side” at barbecue restaurants all over Texas. I’ve always loved veggies, so these are really ideal for me, and they couldn’t be easier. Or cheaper, either, at $1.48. I usually request a can of nuked veggies as a bedtime snack (stop laughing) with a couple of Popsicles afterwards. And therefore … the Howdygram is pleased to award this fine can of string beans — flecks included! — with our coveted five-chopper rating:

A tasty, southern-style green bean recipe, fabulous for housebound coots with shitty knees.

---

Tomorrow I’m bound and determined — as soon as Letitia finishes up her bathing and hygiene responsibilities — to get up off the chaise and spend a full and productive day at my iMac workstation. I want to update our work-in-progress Pantry List (this is an active inventory of everything we’ve got in stock), answer several emails, find out what the hell’s going on with a claim I submitted to MetLife Dental, and continue uploading holiday greeting card artwork to The Howdygram Store.

Actually, I think I might let Sam deal with that MetLife claim because he’s so much better than I am when it comes to not getting belligerent on the phone. We should have had an answer from MetLife weeks and weeks ago. As soon as we know how much they’ll pay towards my seven extractions and lower denture (the work was done way back in January) I plan to cancel my dental insurance altogether … I don’t need dental insurance any more BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY TEETH LEFT! Stay tuned, okay?

---

Whoa, it’s almost midnight already! Sam is asleep on the sofa, and I turned off the TV about an hour ago because he was watching Baby Face (1933) starring Barbara Stanwyck and George Brent, and it was so good (and so distracting) that I couldn’t focus on the Howdygram.

Thank you for reading this, and if you’ve got nothing else to do you might consider a passing thought about the Alamo. Or maybe not …