Friday, October 9, 2015

Greg Abbott is planning to roll back the state’s handicap access regulations ... and he’s a paraplegic in a wheelchair!

While Sam heads off to Wal-Mart to pick up potato chips, potato salad, sugar-free Jell-O cups and a couple of prescriptions — DRUGS! I NEED MY GODDAMN DRUGS! — I will stay behind to maintain law and order at Howdygram headquarters. (You have no idea how rowdy it can get around here. Seriously.)

Blackened redfish from coast-to-coast are mourning the loss of Cajun chef Paul Prudhomme, 75, who died yesterday in New Orleans after a brief illness during which he stopped breathing. Prudhomme was one of the nation’s first celebrity chefs (not counting Julia Child) and an official, card-carrying Dom DeLuise twin who was separated at birth. Prudhomme’s restaurants attracted huge crowds, he hosted several cooking shows on TV and authored nine cookbooks, most of them winding up as bestsellers.

Prudhomme’s recipe for blackened redfish, first served at his restaurant K-Paul’s, was such a runaway hit that state fishery officials had to impose limits to save the species from extinction. Prudhomme also created and marketed a successful line of Cajun spice blends guaranteed to blow your brains out, sold in groceries nationwide. (I think we even have one here at Howdygram headquarters. It’s in a bright green shaker jar.)

In my second post yesterday I was clearly pissed off — and RANTING — about my appointment with the kidney specialist earlier in the day. You know, the appointment that my primary care physician “strongly recommended” after she saw my latest lab results in September and had me thinking I was a candidate for emergency dialysis. She never told me why I needed to see Dr. Hsu; she just told me to GO. It really doesn’t take very much to scare the shit out of old women with diabetes.

I’m calling this episode DOUBLE PHONY BALONEY BULLSHIT.

During lunch today Dr. Hsu’s assistant called with the results of yesterday’s blood tests ... AND EVERYTHING IS NORMAL. She had no reason whatsoever to see me yesterday and no reason to suggest the meaningless one-year follow-up appointment they made Sam confirm before we left their office. (Remind me to cancel that.)

Next, of course, it’s time to deal with my other medical specialist: Dr. Singh, cardiologist extraordinaire. I’ve got an appointment to see him Tuesday morning at his office in Rockwall for my six-month routine hoo-hah. I have a slightly different opinion of this one, however, since earlier in the year I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation — oy! — and Dr. Singh has me taking Warfarin (a blood thinner to prevent clots and strokes) and Metoprolol (to slow down my hysterical heart rate). I figure if a specialist is prescribing meds for a diagnosed condition he’s justified in recommending routine follow-ups. And I like him.

That bullshit with the kidney specialist, however, was just BOGUS. I won’t be fooled again!

Before I get into an extended brouhaha about the stupidity of “gun rights” I thought you might enjoy the following video clip, which has nothing whatsoever to do with guns and everything to do with a cool dude’s amazing carpentry skills and a pile of reclaimed wood.

And now ... THE STUPIDITY OF GUN RIGHTS! We’ll focus on the Howdygram’s home state of Texas, the biggest, baddest, most stupidest of ’em all with the most stupidest governor in America, Greg Abbott. (This is the third time we’ve had the honor to boast about this distinction. Think Rick Perry and George W. Bush.)
If Governor Abbott was any slower he’d be going BACKWARDS. He ain’t gubernatorial material and he ain’t even as smart as a professional wrestler. Get a load of this! Four days after nine innocent Americans were murdered in Oregon by a stone cold killer with legal firearms, Greg thinks it’s time to join in the serious discussion. Here’s how he responds to President Obama’s demand to shake up Congress’ frustrating inactivity on gun control:
Greg, you disappointing asshole, THAT’S NOT WHAT THE PRESIDENT MEANT. He wants to get guns out of the hands of stone cold killers, NOT let them show off their fancy assault rifles at Chili’s before they murder people with them, like YOU want, you goddamn idiot.

Only Greg Abbott would make himself look like Satan just so he can say Obama is wrong. Even when the President isn’t.

Greg Abbott, just like Rick Perry and Dubya, only way dumber. He’s even planning (seriously) to roll back the state’s HANDICAP ACCESS REGULATIONS ... and he’s a paraplegic in a wheelchair!

Anchor baby fuckwit Governor Piyush “Call-Me-Bobby” Jindal, barely hanging onto his seat in the 2016 Republican clown car, ranted on his blog a couple of days ago about who’s really at fault for America’s epidemic of mass shootings. We were so inspired by his insignificant courage and leadership that we decided to consider who else he could blame in addition to smutty TV shows, single mothers, Obamacare and sluts, which all contribute to the “cultural rot” of America.
According to Jindal, guns have nothing to do with mass shootings. Instead, he writes: “These shootings are a symptom of deep and serious cultural decay in our society.” And what does he mean by “cultural decay”?

“We glorify sick and senseless acts of violence in virtually every element of our pop culture, and we have been doing that for at least a generation. We celebrate and document every kind of deviant behavior and we give out awards to producers who can push the envelope as far as possible. Rape, torture, murder, mass murder, all are cinematic achievements.”

Jindal gets especially ignorant when he talks about the horror in Oregon. “This killer’s father is now lecturing us on the need for gun control and he says he has no idea how or where his son got the guns. Of course he doesn’t know! You know WHY he doesn’t know? Because he is not, and has never been, in his son’s life. He’s a complete failure as a father, he should be embarrassed to even show his face in public. He’s the problem here. He brags that he’s never held a gun in his life. He owes us all an apology.”

Holy fuck. The Oregon shooter was an adult whose parents were divorced. I’m not exactly following Jindal’s concept of the father’s FAILURE.

Even worse, I wonder why everywhere Jindal looks he sees cultural garbage and moral decay. There must be a reason why it surrounds him like that. I don’t know of many other people living that sort of life. Maybe I’m just lucky. And Bobby might want to consider hanging out with a nicer circle of friends. Moral decay is no fun at a barbecue.

Thank y’all for reading this.

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