Friday, October 9, 2015

A waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of gas and a waste of breath mints.

I can sum up this morning’s appointment with my kidney specialist, who I hadn’t seen in almost two years, as follows: WHAT A GODDAMN WASTE OF TIME. My primary care physician never told Dr. Hsu why I was coming to see her, so she had to assume it wasn’t a big deal or she would have received a call and a fax about it. What the fuck? So Sam and I sat and kibbitzed with Dr. Hsu for six or seven minutes, a phlebotomist drew a tube of blood for no apparent reason whatsoever, and the doctor’s parting words from the doorway were: “Stop at the reception desk on your way out. I’d like to see you again in a year.”

That’s it? Come back in a year?! Does anybody realize how goddamn exhausting it is to get me to a doctor’s office for a bullshit appointment like this?! Holy crap, people!
  • Sam has to help me get dressed and undressed at home because I have no mobility in my legs. Yes, he has to help me pull up my pants.
  • Sam has to shlep me in and out of the car. This includes lifting and positioning both of my legs and feet. (My appendages weigh a ton.)
  • Sam has to haul my 45-pound bariatric wheelchair in and out of the trunk of the car without help even when his back hurts (like today).
  • Sam has to push me from the handicapped parking spot (if we can find one) into the medical building, up the elevator, down the hall and into the doctor’s office with all kinds of ridiculous undersized and inaccessible doorways to fuck us up along the way. 
  • The foot pads on my wheelchair broke off six months ago so my legs just hang there and hurt like hell when we’re moving. I try to keep my feet from touching the ground but that doesn’t usually work very well and I have to make Sam stop every few minutes so I can rest my legs. I’ve considered strapping a couple of skateboards to my feet.
  • I’m in a lot of pain when I ride in a car unless the seat is tilted all the way back, in which case I can’t see where we’re going, I can’t use my seat belt and I can’t suck on TicTacs.
Bottom line: I DIDN’T NEED TO GO TODAY. This was a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of gas, a waste of breath mints and I would have been happier blowing that $30 co-pay on lunch from King China. For your possible interest the map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) Dr. Hsu’s office at Advanced Kidney Care of North Texas; C) King China; D) Dr. Singh’s office at Cardiology Consultants of Texas; and E) Dr. M’s office at Baylor Family Medical Center in Mesquite. She’s my primary care physician and her office is a 90-second ride from home.

Kevin Corcoran, 66, died on Tuesday from cancer. The former Disney child star was cast as a pest named Moochie in “The Further Adventures of Spin and Marty” on the original Mickey Mouse Club back in the 1950s, played the youngest son in Old Yeller (1957), appeared in The Shaggy Dog (1959), Swiss Family Robinson (1960) and Pollyanna (1960), and later went on to produce for television, including such series as “Sons of Anarchy” and “The Shield.”
Corcoran was born in Santa Monica and raised with seven siblings ... all a bunch of very cute little actors in their own right. His sister Donna appeared in Angels in the Outfield (1951) with Paul Douglas, and sister Noreen was John Forsythe’s teenage niece on the hit TV series “Bachelor Father,” which aired from 1957 to 1962.

I am a very old woman. I remember all of these TV shows and movies, and I absolutely LOVED them, especially anything related to the original Mickey Mouse Club, Pollyanna, The Shaggy Dog and “Bachelor Father.” Thank you.

If you’re hungry enough to eat a bag of freeze-dried unseasoned red sauce with an afterthought of pasta thrown in, this one’s for you. I don’t know what else to say, quite frankly, except if you’re looking for an Italian flavor profile I strongly recommend Mountain House’s Lasagna instead. It’s got more pasta, better sauce, two kinds of cheese and green flecks that might be parsley. The Spaghetti with Meat Sauce couldn’t get beyond our two-chopper rating; the Lasagna earned five.
Thank you for reading this. All of a sudden I’ve got a craving for popcorn.

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