Saturday, May 9, 2015

With any luck maybe we’ll get to see Interpol drag Lindsay Lohan’s sorry ass back to the U.S. in shackles.

Yo from Howdygram headquarters the land of Oz, where once again we’re facing SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNINGS, a TORNADO WATCH and a 70% chance of exploding clouds, hailstones and flying monkeys. We’re in store for more of the same tomorrow, too — on Mother’s Day! — and also most of next week, as you’ll see for yourself on the screen shot posted below. This is epitome of a holy crap weather forecast.

In other news, you’ll be interested to note that I ordered myself two dozen pleasant beige terrycloth “bar mop” towels from Amazon this morning to replace the white ones that constantly go missing around here. These are a really nice size (16" x 19") and weight to wipe up damn near anything an old person can spill, stain or ruin. I like to keep a big stack in the linen closet in the master bathroom and also a few in the laundry room because a senior citizen slob can never have too many small cheap rags. They’re low-cholesterol, make a terrific Hanukkah gift and only cost $21.99. Buy yours here. Thank you.

I also ordered myself half a dozen squeezy jars of Mount Olive sugar-free pickle relish today from Netrition due to practically running out last night and having a stroke when Sam opened my last one. Readers, there’s NOTHING better than sweet relish on a braunschweiger sandwich and I also consider this the “secret ingredient” in my homemade ham salad!

Apparently Prince Charles has had no problem whatsoever bonding with his new baby granddaughter, Princess Charlotte. He’s been telling reporters that he’d hoped for a little girl, thinks “she’s absolutely beautiful” (she really is) and hopes she’ll look after him when he’s very old. “Hey Char! Bring me my teeth!”

Here’s a juicy little tidbit from our Celebrities Who Always Look Like They Need A Bath department. Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer was in court on Friday in Los Angeles to let the judge know that her client has completed only nine hours and 45 minutes of her court-ordered community service for a long list of conviction that includes a hit-and-run accident, lying to police, DUIs, shoplifting and being a useless asshole. Lindsay’s excuse du jour? The community services center changed locations and now it takes her an hour and a half to get there. She even has to hire a car and chauffeur for the three-hour round trip.
Community service has been an endless battle for Lindsay because she still can’t figure out what the hell it is or how to do it. Previously she tried to count saying hi to her fans, letting teens follow her around and appearing in her own play as official service to the community. The judge said yesterday that if Lindsay doesn’t complete all 125 hours by May 28 “there will be consequences.” As in JAIL TIME.

I’m sure you’re as sick of this story as I am. With any luck maybe we’ll get to see Interpol drag her sorry ass back to the U.S. in shackles.

Have a nice day, okay?

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