Meet the rude jackass with the gavel: John Boehner, “Weeper” of the House.

Hi, people. I’ve got all kinds of screwy crap to share with you today on a wide variety of screwy subjects, so I suppose I’ll just dive in and get started before I get too hungry to sit here and type. To begin, I completely forgot to show you what Schwan’s delivered yesterday in case Howdygram headquarters’ frozen food needs are important to you. We like Schwan’s because their products are speedy, tasty and attractive. (Under no circumstances, however, do we recommend ketchup and celery with your corn dogs.)

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Next I’d like to share our latest Einstein Award, this time honoring Stewart Rhodes — founder of the anti-government militia group Oath Keepers — who advocates hanging John McCain by the neck until he’s dead for being Hitler. Seriously. While I sincerely can’t stand John McCain as much as the next person, to shoot your mouth off in public about hanging a U.S. senator might be a tad EXTREME.

Rhodes made the remarks last week during a right-wing Constitution-themed beer bust at the Thirsty Lion Pub in Tempe, Arizona, which was attended by Tea Party heroes like Rhodes, legendary Constitutional Sheriff and Obamacare beggar Richard “Women and Children in Front” Mack, and Arizona Senate President Andy Biggs, where the participants hooted and threw poop at an effigy of Barack Obama. Because FREEDOM!

And somewhere in there, Rhodes — the tactical genius whose fear of a federal drone attack initiated a great big multi-militia brouhaha near the end of the Bundy Ranch clusterfuck — told a story about when he was a Ron Paul delegate at Nevada’s 2008 Republican nominating convention he witnessed first-hand LIBERTY BEING TRAMPLED TO DEATH, because even though Ron Paul definitely had the most delegates at every state convention, John McCain and the “GOP machine” stole the process and denied Ron Paul the nomination and presidency that he obviously deserved.

What Rhodes still fails to grasp is, John McCain may have won the Republican nomination BUT HE LOST THE ELECTION TO BARACK OBAMA. So ... there’s really no point to any of this, is there? AND YOU’RE A STUPID FUCKING MORON.

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I guess one good Einstein deserves another, so let’s bestow one more today ... this time to the rude and arrogant Republican jackass who oversees the House of Representatives, none other than “Weeper” of the House John Boehner (R-OH), who’s definitely on the defensive this week after Congress voted to cut funding for Amtrak just one day after a dramatic and deadly train wreck in Philadelphia.

When a reporter asked Boehner today to clarify whether Amtrak’s safety and infrastructure problems are related to spending cuts, Boehner interrupted her with: “Are you really going to ask such a stupid question?!” And then launches into a rant without waiting for an answer: “Listen, they started this yesterday. It’s all about funding, it’s all about funding.”

“Obviously it’s NOT about funding,” Boehner continued. “The train was going twice the speed limit. Adequate funds were there. No money’s been cut from rail safety. It’s hard for me to imagine that people take the bait on some of the nonsense that gets, uh, spewed around here.”

Seriously, Mr. Speaker? Yesterday the House Transportation, Housing, and Urban Development Subcommittee convened to vote on spending priorities in the 2016 budget. The White House requested $2.4 billion in funds for Amtrak. The Republican-led subcommittee approved roughly $1.1 billion of that, down from $1.39 billion in the current fiscal year. And on April 23, Representative Matt Salmon (R-AZ) introduced a bill “to prohibit the expenditure of Federal funds for Amtrak.”

Here’s the video of Boehner interrupting that reporter and trying to tap dance around the Amtrak spending cuts House Republicans voted for this week. Make popcorn first, okay?



There are no stupid questions, Mr. Speaker. JUST STUPID POLITICIANS and the idiots who vote for them. Everybody in the GOP must think they’re on a Fox reality show instead of protecting the public that gives them a six-figure salary with free public health care. There’s nothing quite like watching raging government assholes in action.

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And finally, guess what I bought today! Go on, guess! GUESS! Give up? I bought THIS:

Nivea makes the best and nicest-smelling body wash on the planet, and the lamp is actually a duplicate of the one I bought about a month ago for my desk in the study. It’s so nice that I want a matched set of two, one for each end of my desk. (It’s a really large desk.)

Please let me know as soon as possible if you want to come over for a teeny Schwan’s pizza. Thank you for reading this.