Saturday, February 7, 2015

As a mostly-crippled housebound senior citizen I never thought I’d eat an Italian beef sandwich again.

It’s 3 a.m. and I thought I’d try to squeeze in a speedy Howdygram post before I go to bed. On the other hand, I’m not actually tired in any way whatsoever right now and might wind up pulling an all-nighter due to seven hours of exceptionally gratifying naps on Friday and then sleeping through Gone with the Wind (1939) starring Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh. After reading this paragraph twice I have no idea what this even means. Jesus.

Sam leaves for his eight-day trip this morning, people. I’m already suffering from separation anxiety and he hasn’t even packed yet! I HATE IT WHEN SAM IS GONE. I mostly mill around aimlessly with a Marcytini, Atkins low-carb brownies and a few William Powell movies. In case you’re interested, Sam is going to Phoenix for a couple of days to hang out with his brother David and then on Monday to Los Angeles to spend all week cleaning out the garage at his parents’ house so another brother (Steve) can get the property ready to sell.

Sam has no additional brothers aside from the aforementioned David and Steve. There are, however, a couple of sisters.

The Howdygram is thrilled to announce a brand new restaurant in the greater Dallas area! The original Al’s Chicago Italian Beef has opened its doors on the north side of town featuring all of Al’s world-famous Chicago favorites as pictured below.
I’m having a nervous breakdown, people. As a mostly-crippled housebound senior citizen who can’t travel any more I NEVER THOUGHT I’D EVER EAT AN ITALIAN BEEF SANDWICH AGAIN. When Sam gets home from his trip we’ll take a drive to north Dallas and carry out a sack of my hometown delicacies. These pictures are so gorgeous I can’t fucking stand it. LOOK AT THAT POLISH SAUSAGE! LOOK AT THAT CHEESEBURGER!

In case you’ve never had a real Chicago-style Italian beef sandwich, here’s an instructional video from Al’s website. The only authentic way to eat this beauty is “dipped” and everybody else can just go to hell.

The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) Al’s Chicago Italian Beef on Belt Line Road in north Dallas. I’m pretty sure we can get there in less than 20 minutes by taking I-30 west to I-635 north to the Dallas North Tollway service road to Belt Line and plowing through busy intersections by laying on the horn. If I sound hysterical and desperate you’ll just have to deal with it.

I have a new Putz of the Week to share with you guys but I just decided to postpone it until later today due to it already being after 4 a.m. and if I don’t go to bed immediately I’m positive I’ll regret it later. Play nice in the meantime, okay?

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