Sunday, January 25, 2015

Introducing Marcy’s Easy French Dip and Fast Jus for Senior Citizens with No Rolls and Crippled Knees.

I’ve got THREE FASCINATING THINGS to share with y’all today, but I’ll begin with our glorious four-day forecast here at Howdygram headqarters. It’s an especially nice forecast for this time of year and an early Valentine’s Day present from the National Weather Service, particularly when you consider the life-threatening blizzard-of-the-century that’s heading for New York City. Please check it out below and wave like a maniac if you agree with me. (Thank you.)

The next fascinating thing is to introduce my latest senior citizen recipe: MARCY’S EASY FRENCH DIP AND FAST JUS FOR SENIOR CITIZENS WITH NO ROLLS AND CRIPPLED KNEES. Mostly it’s a fast and easy version of a classic sandwich for old ladies like yours truly who can’t stand up any more or horse around in the kitchen cooking things. The ingredients include: 1) nice white bread; 2) a wad of store-bought sliced roast beef (we like the Columbus brand from Costco); and 3) McCormick’s tasty Au Jus instant gravy mix.
This is so ridiculously simple I really shouldn’t have to publish directions, but what the hell, here they are, anyway. Boil half a cup of water in a mug and stir in 1½ teaspoons of McCormick Au Jus gravy mix. (Add a little more if you like a stronger flavor.) Make a sandwich of roast beef on your nice white bread and cut it in triangles. Pour the au jus gravy into a teeny bowl — such as the ordinary Pyrex custard cup pictured at right — and you’re all set to dunk and eat. Napkins are seriously recommended but not required in case don’t mind being a slob.

My third and final fascinating thing today is another Putz of the Week award! Once again we’re recognizing Governor Piyush “Call-Me-Bobby” Jindal of Louisiana, a right-wing shitbag who’s elevated pandering to a whole new level of insanity by keynoting yesterday’s prayer rally for the spiritual revival of America — The Response: Baton Rouge — staged by a hate group at the Pete Maravich Assembly Center at LSU. Modeled after a similar rally in Houston headlined by Rick Perry in 2011, Jindal says The Response is “a time of prayer, fasting, repentance and celebration” but what they actually celebrated was anti-gay bigotry, denial of science, and the rejection of the U.S. Constitution in favor of the Bible, a book none of them has actually ever read. And Jindal and his rally organizers got so freaked out by the level of opposition from students and ordinary citizens that they arranged for angels to guard the Assembly Center during the prayer rally and turn it into a “no-go zone for demons in the name of Jesus.” Holy shit. This man seriously thinks he can be President of the United States.
“Call-Me-Bobby” is a scary, radical Catholic who claims to have done an exorcism and also believes in voodoo and santeria. AND HE’S SO STUPID IT’S TERRIFYING, vaulting himself into the arms of the most extreme, anti-Western Civilization fanatics on the planet like the American Family Association, which is classified as a bona fide HATE GROUP by the Southern Poverty Law Center. They found one governor — Rick Perry — dumb enough to buy into their bullshit, and when the glasses didn’t save him they moved on to Bobby Jindal, one of those rare Republican governors who isn’t on trial for corruption. I wonder if he’ll bring blood and chicken bones to the primary debates.

As a final note, I thought you might want to know that Sam and I did our taxes online this morning with Turbo Tax and e-filed our return in less than 20 minutes from start to finish. Everything turned out really swell and then we ate lunch. We love Turbo Tax. Thank you for reading this.

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