Mitt Romney is considering a third attempt to flip-flop his way into the White House.

I know your winter weather is probably shittier than ours in Texas, but we’ve got cold steady rain on the way tonight and most of the day tomorrow ... and cold steady rain SUCKS in the aches-and-pains department. Weather.com thinks we also have a chance for ice accumulation overnight but I don’t believe it because the temperature isn’t supposed to drop below 35°. None of this really matters, however. I’m not leaving the house NO MATTER WHAT and Sam — who’s still in California and still really sick — will take a Super Shuttle home from the airport tomorrow afternoon provided he’s well enough to travel. (I’ll believe it when I see it.)

Incidentally, I WANT SAM TO CALL ME! His phone is turned off, I haven’t heard from him since yesterday morning and my stomach is in a knot worrying about him. (I might even have to cut back on my braunschweiger sandwiches today.)

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And now for our latest political bombshell: HE’S RUNNING AGAIN! Mitt Romney, the GOP’s biggest loser from 2012, told a meeting of rich white suckers donors on Friday that he’s considering a third attempt to flip-flop his way into the White House. And he told everybody to “tell your friends.” Sure sounds organized, doesn’t it?

This actually comes as a bit of a surprise after two solid years denying he’ll ever run again. In 2014 alone a sampling of Romney’s comments to the press on this subject included all of the following statements bald-faced lies:

• Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.
• I’m not running for president. I made that clear the morning after the last loss.
• I’m not running for president again.
• I fully anticipate that I’ll be supporting [another Republican] very vigorously.

So with Romney weasling his way back into the Republican clown car for 2016 I think I’d better offer a refresher course on a few of his most unforgettable “holy shit moments” from last time in case you’ve managed to blot them out. Here goes.

• Corporations are people, my friend ... of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes? Whose pockets? People’s pockets.
• I like being able to fire people who provide services to me.
• We don’t have people that become ill, who die in their apartment because they don’t have insurance.
• Middle income is $200,000 to $250,000 and less.
• I’m not concerned about the very poor, there is a safety net there. 
• The answer is self-deportation, which is people decide they can do better by going home.
• I’m happy to learn that after I speak you’re going to hear from Ann Coulter. That’s a good thing. I think it’s important to get the views of moderates. Right before Ann Coulter called John Edwards a “faggot.”
• Don’t try to stop the foreclosure process. Let it run its course and hit the bottom. In support of kicking people out of their homes.
• [My wife] drives a couple of Cadillacs. Speaking to unemployed Detroit auto workers.
• I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.
• There are 47 percent who ... are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe that government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you name it. Forty-seven percent of Americans pay no income tax. My role is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.

Romney hasn’t got a chance. There are just too many great videos of him being an arrogant, entitled asshole.

Thank you.