Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Breaking news: I can’t stay awake long enough to microwave a stinking can of tamales.

There are THREE OFFICIAL REASONS why something is seriously wrong with me, and they are outlined for you below in neat, titled paragraphs.

I CAN'T STOP SLEEPING. Apparently damn near every prescription medication I take now — which includes Benazepril Hydrochlorothiazide, Lantus, Novolin R, Gabapentin, Metoprolol, Eliquis, Glyburide, Trazodone and Amitriptyline — with the exception of insulin (Lantus and Novolin R) MAKE ME SO DAMN TIRED I CAN’T STAY AWAKE LONG ENOUGH TO MICROWAVE A STINKING CAN OF TAMALES. For instance, it’s 8:30 p.m., I just woke up from a three-hour nap, my blood sugar is low and I don’t think I can make dinner without help so I have to wait until Sam gets home from work at 9:30. In the meantime I’m eating a lot of Tic Tacs.

MY KNEES HURT. This really isn’t news, I guess, since my knees ALWAYS hurt, but it’s getting worse. Last week I started taking Gabapentin to relieve the nerve pain in my hands and feet — which must be a miracle drug invented by unicorns because my nerve pain is PRACTICALLY GONE — although now, unfortunately, I can’t take Naproxen or any NSAID anti-inflammatory drug for my knee and joint pain because they have a dangerous interaction with Gabapentin. This means I’m fucked until I find out out what else I can take. (Technically NSAIDs aren’t good for me, anyway, because I have chronic kidney disease.) I just sent an email message to Dr. M and I hope she comes up with something so I don’t have to drag myself around the house crying like a crabby old shlepper.

I’M HAVING MIGRAINES. I HATE MIGRAINES. The only thing that helps is to lie down in bed with the lights out and moan. I’m pretty sure this is a side effect of one (or more) of my prescriptions but good luck figuring out WHICH ONE. I’ve had four migraines during the last three weeks. Thank God they don’t last very long.

During a brief period of lucidity this afternoon I indulged myself with a DIABETES SPECTACULAR and ordered the following exciting essentials from ActiveForever.com: 1) two boxes of Easy Touch insulin pen needles; and 2) an Easy Touch Health Pro glucose monitoring system with two boxes of Easy Touch test strips.
Over the next few months I’ll be phasing out the FreeStyle Lite glucose monitoring system I’ve been using since 2009 due to all of a sudden the test strips are so damn expensive I want to start strangling people. The cheapest test strips on the Internet have always been on eBay, but lately the prices have jumped from $22 to $45 or more for a container of 50 strips, and THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS because I use four or five strips a day. Test strips for the Easy Touch system, however, are 50 for only $9.99 on several different websites, so this is definitely worth a shot. Amazon sells them for $9.99, too, with free Amazon Prime shipping. Hoo-boy, that’s very good news, isn’t it?

Sam is on his way home from work (he just called) so I guess now would be a fine time to wrap up this post and give serious consideration to dinner before I pass out. Thank you for reading this!

No comments: