Friday, December 12, 2014 is like a psycho middle school boyfriend who only tells you shit he thinks you want to hear.

Yo! Sam was out and about this morning with a “honey-do” list while I held down the fort here at Howdygram headquarters. Fort-holding-down demands no particular skill whatsoever and usually only requires not spilling my Marcytini, staying awake and answering the phone if anybody calls. And in case you’re interested, Sam’s errands included a drop-off at the dry cleaner, driving past the post office to mail our holiday cards and a trip to Tom Thumb for sugar-free Jell-O cups, teeny bottles of Coke Zero for the mini-fridge in the study and a juicy, ready-to-eat turkey breast (see below) on sale for $8.99. Yum, right?

Since I included a weather forecast in my earlier post today I believe I have a weak obligation to let you know how how much rain we finally got. In a word: NOT A STINKING DROP. gave us a 70% chance of rain yesterday and another 70% chance today but we’ve had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, and there’s no discernible precipitation anywhere near us unless you want to haul your ass 175 miles to Texarkana or Shreveport as you’ll see on the map below. (The red star denotes Howdygram headquarters.)
According to the pathological liars at the Weather Bureau, Sunday is our next big opportunity for rain with a 90% chance of thunderstorms — maybe even SEVERE ONES! — all day and into the night. It absolutely won’t happen, people. This is exactly like having a psycho middle school boyfriend who only tells you shit he thinks you want to hear. 

If you’re old, lame and hungry I’ve got another original senior citizen recipe to share with you! This time it’s my FAST & EASY SENIOR CITIZEN CHILI WITH EXTRA MEAT AND NAPKINS, a tasty bowl of hot food that’s also easy to chew in case you have dental challenges in addition to crappy knees and feet. The ingredients include one bag of Bear Creek “Darn Good” Chili mix, a pouch of Libby’s crumbly ground beef pellets and a teeny can of tomato paste.
Here’s what you do. Just boil seven cups of water in a nice pot, dump in the “Darn Good” Chili mix and moosh it around with a big whisk for a minute so everything breaks apart. Then stir in the ground beef and tomato paste and let it all simmer for about 30 minutes. THAT’S IT!

I think the best part is you don’t have to stand at the stove with lousy knees and arthritic hands smashing meat in a big frying pan. Bear Creek “Darn Good” Chili already includes freeze-dried ground beef in the mix plus beef textured vegetable protein, and I add a pouch of Libby’s crumbles for an added punch. For the record I also throw in a shot of cayenne pepper and a few drops of EZ Sweetz (liquid stevia) because I like my tomatoey foods spicy and sweet due to having a taste disorder caused by diabetic neuropathy. I HATE THIS DISEASE.

And now I think I’ll eat dinner and watch last night’s episode of “Project Runway All-Stars” followed by Summer Stock (1950) starring Judy Garland and Gene Kelly. With popcorn.
Thank you for reading this. Tell your friends.

No comments: