Glorioski and holy crap, people! Marcy bought a printer!

Hot on the heels of The Pointless Shitty Envelope Adventure of 2014 [see post] I decided a couple of hours ago to request a divorce from my four-year-old pain-in-the-ass Epson WorkForce 635 printer for failure to perform at any level whatosever. The nice white A7-size envelopes I ordered from Amazon — to replace the grainy “grocery bag” envelopes that jammed nonstop on Sunday — arrived this afternoon, and they won’t feed into this damn thing, either. Plus the entire printhead is out of alignment now and everything that actually prints is TOTALLY COCKEYED. So ... I paid a quick visit to Amazon, read a few thousand customer reviews and ordered myself a brand new Epson WorkForce 3640. GLORIOSKI AND HOLY CRAP, PEOPLE! MARCY BOUGHT A PRINTER!

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In other huge news, did you know that Root Beer Float Oreos are a thing now? During the checkout process on Amazon a few minutes ago I learned that the last person who ordered an Epson WorkForce 3640 also bought Root Beer Float Oreos. I am both despondent and deeply intrigued as I didn’t even know Root Beer Float Oreos existed. Also, WHEN DID OREOS GO ALBINO? This is a perfect example of what happens when you’re a housebound senior citizen with shitty knees who never goes to a grocery store. The world of packaged junk food is passing me by and it’s almost too much to bear.

Thank you for reading this. Seriously.