Merry Hamburger Day to one and all. L’chaim!

In case you don’t have any meaningful activities planned for today I’d like to make a couple of suggestions, okay? First, this is NATIONAL HAMBURGER DAY and there’s still plenty of time for an appropriate celebration involving food and napkins. Sam had mentioned picking up Five Guys for lunch except (unfortunately) it’s already 3:45 in the afternoon, I just woke up from a four-hour nap and the closest meal at this point in time would be dinner. Those of you who think I just blew an opportunity, please raise your hand.

My other suggestion involves watching the Cowboys/Colts game on CBS at 3:30 — i.e., RIGHT THIS MINUTE — although it’s possible there might be a totally different televised game in your corner of the nation and/or you don’t give a shitsky about the NFL, the Dallas Cowboys, the Indianapolis Colts,  pole dancers cheerleaders or loud beer commercials. If this is the case please feel free to choose an alternate Sunday afternoon activity. (You’re welcome.)

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And so, dear friends, the holidays are upon us once again, adding unnecessary crap and complications to our already-screwed lives. As an example, Gary, our Schwan’s delivery doofus, just announced his Official Modified Holiday Frozen Food Shlepping Schedule for the next couple of weeks due to our regular delivery day falling on Christmas Eve, and God forbid he should drop off a stinking box of corn dogs the day before Baby Jesus’ birthday. So he’s coming tomorrow instead and just for the hell of it I also decided to throw in a bag of frozen shrimp.

Thank you, as always, for reading this. And Merry Hamburger Day to you and yours!