My Epson WorkForce 3640 printer could be my new best friend.

It’s late Sunday night, Sam is in the family room — unconscious, probably — watching The Lemon Drop Kid (1951) starring Bob Hope and Marilyn Maxwell, one of our favorite holiday movies. Actually, I love Bob Hope in just about anything with the exception being 1956’s The Iron Petticoat co-starring Katharine Hepburn, a atrocious stab at a cold war comedy that makes Attack of the Crab Monsters look like Ben-Hur. Earlier tonight we also watched The Man Who Came to Dinner (1942) starring Bette Davis, Monty Woolley and Ann Sheridan. A large volume of popcorn accompanied these activities.

Incidentally, Bob Hope and Katharine Hepburn both hated The Iron Petticoat so much they had it buried for more than 50 years until Turner Classic Movies finally aired it in 2012. They also, apparently, hated EACH OTHER. The script was originally written to pair Hepburn with Cary Grant, but when he turned it down Bob Hope joined the cast and morphed the movie into his familiar, sarcastic, ad-libbed stand-up routine, and Hepburn and the director were so freaked out they both tried to quit. The end product is even worse than you’d expect, especially Hepburn’s insane accent as a Russian pilot trying to defect to the West.

Glorioski, hallelujah and holy crap, everybody ... my new Epson WorkForce 3640 printer is VERY, VERY EXCELLENT! I’m glad I let Sam talk me out of hiring an expensive geek to come over and install it for me because the set-up process turned out to be really fast, really easy and practically flawless not counting a quick visit to Epson’s website to download the latest print driver for my iMac. Within 10 minutes I was producing lovely 5 x 7 photos, return address labels and two-sided documents, and I had no problem whatsoever feeding fancy-schmancy A7-size “garbage bag” envelopes through the rear paper tray ... THE SAME DAMN ENVELOPES THAT GAVE ME A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN LAST WEEKEND [see post] and ignited an overwhelming need to purchase a new printer IMMEDIATELY so I could finish making my Hanukkah cards already.

The Howdygram recommends the Epson WorkForce 3640 if you’re in the market for a shiny new fully-loaded inkjet printer. It’s packed with every juicy feature imaginable, including: 1) 2400 dpi output in photo mode; 2) a huge touch-screen that’s easy enough for senior citizens; 3) two paper trays; 4) duplex printing, faxing, copying and scanning; 5) attractive high-capacity ink cartridges; 6) a rear feed tray for weird media and custom-sized paper and envelopes; and 7) you can print from your desktop computer and wireless devices. I bought my WorkForce 3640 from Amazon because I buy damn near EVERYTHING from Amazon.

Thank you, as always, for reading this.