Enough shrimp can cure damn near anything.

Ready for the Howdygram’s official Christmas Day Kvetch Report? My complaints du jour include all of the following: 1) severe pain in my left knee; 2) muscle weakness in my left leg; 3) burning and “electric shocks” on the soles of my feet from diabetic neuropathy; 4) plantar fasciitis in my left heel; 5) crumpled-up hands from nerve damage and arthritis; 6) a headache; 7) low body temperature; 8) nasal congestion and watery eyes; and 9) a hangnail. In light of the above I plan to limit today’s activities to sleeping, watching holiday movies and eating as many shrimp as possible.

In case you give a crap, the first two movies on my watch list today are The Shop Around the Corner (1940) starring Margaret Sullavan and James Stewart and Meet Me in St. Louis (1944) starring Judy Garland and Margaret O’Brien. I can’t guarantee I’ll be fully conscious for either of them, however, as I only had two stinking hours of sleep last night and I feel like TOTAL CRAP. (Please refer to paragraph one for complete details.)

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I’ll try to come back later and write another post after I feel human again. For the time being. however, I need an uninterrupted three-hour nap followed by uninterrupted shrimp.

Thank you. (Send cocktail sauce.)