Weather.com is like a psycho middle school boyfriend who only tells you shit he thinks you want to hear.

Yo! Sam was out and about this morning with a “honey-do” list while I held down the fort here at Howdygram headquarters. Fort-holding-down demands no particular skill whatsoever and usually only requires not spilling my Marcytini, staying awake and answering the phone if anybody calls. And in case you’re interested, Sam’s errands included a drop-off at the dry cleaner, driving past the post office to mail our holiday cards and a trip to Tom Thumb for sugar-free Jell-O cups, teeny bottles of Coke Zero for the mini-fridge in the study and a juicy, ready-to-eat turkey breast (see below) on sale for $8.99. Yum, right?