Agreeable fish, late soup and way too many naps.

Saturday at Howdygram headquarters is always an interesting mix of sloth, gluttony, expectation, disappointment and latent creativity. Pour yourself a Marcytini and I’ll explain, okay? (Take your time. I can wait.)

SLOTH. I refer here to naps. LOTS OF THEM. So far today I’ve had two, each four hours in length, and Sam has had an equal number except at completely different time slots. This means we’ve seen each other awake for approximately 19 minutes, just long enough for Sam to agree to drive through Long John Silver’s to buy me a box of fish for lunch. It was greasy and wonderful and came with a small herd of hush puppies, a smattering of pretty good fries and my all-time favorite cole slaw. I even had enough leftover for dinner!

GLUTTONY. This includes the aforementioned greasy fish from SLOTH (above) in addition to an undisclosed number of Russell Stover sugar-free marshmallow Santas, one dozen Costco teeny tacos for breakfast and an assortment of late-night snacks yet to be determined.

EXPECTATION. FedEx was supposed to deliver my order today from Soups Online but somebody definitely fucked it up. When I checked tracking information a few minutes ago to find out where the hell is my package I found out they changed my delivery date to December 24. December 24? A person could STARVE TO DEATH by then!

DISAPPOINTMENT. See previous paragraph.

LATENT CREATIVITY. I’ve authored three Howdygram posts today, people — three! — and if that’s not creativity I don’t know what is. Truth be told, though, I really didn’t have much else to do between naps, marshmallow Santas and fish fillets. It’s been a rather perfect overcast Saturday in December.

Incidentally, it’s already 9:30 p.m. and if Sam ever wakes up from his second nap maybe we can finish watching The Great Race (1965) starring Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis and Natalie Wood.

In the meantime I think I’ll treat myself to a nice hot shower with extra water followed by a bag of Pop Secret in the family room. Thank you for reading this.