Monday, December 29, 2014

Even if I watched “Ben-Hur” a thousand times I don’t think I could ever find fault with a single minute of it.

Warmest greetings from slumberland, where your celebrated Howdygram editrix has been gloriously semi-conscious since breakfast this morning. Translation: I’M FINALLY GETTING SOME GODDAMN SLEEP. Following my weekly Sausage McMuffin I went back to bed at 9 a.m. and slept until 12:30, ate a memorable lunch from Five Guys and conked out in the family room from 1:15 until 5, successfully sleeping through Murder at the Gallop (1963) starring Margaret Rutherford, Chocolat (2000) starring Juliette Binoche and Judi Dench, and The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) starring Gregory Hines, Joan Rivers and a pile of puppets. THIS HAS BEEN A GLORIOUS DAY, enhanced even further by my favorite weekly cold leftover hot dog still waiting for me in the family room with extra pickles. Life doesn’t get much better than this, people. It just doesn’t.

And now I’d like to recommend another swell bargain for your possible interest, as I’m pleased to announce that I’ve uncovered a new and cheaper source for canned meat for senior citizens! In the past I recommended buying your senior citizen meat from two different websites — Pleasant Hill Grain and Brinkman Farms — except both tend to cost a lot of money, and old people such as yours truly have to watch their shekels because new canes and corrective underwear can get expensive. For instance, Pleasant Hill Grain makes you buy a case of 12 whether you want 12 or not, and although Brinkman’s minimum is only six cans they add on a repulsive $8 “handling fee” for no reason whatsoever and another $15.50 for UPS. Holy crap, right?

So here’s my solution: BUY KEYSTONE CANNED MEAT FROM AMAZON! Keystone gets excellent customer reviews, the prices are outstanding and you only have to buy one can at a time! For me, if I add the products illustrated below to my Subscribe & Save account Amazon discounts them an extra 15%. And shipping is free. THIS IS A REAL STEAL, PEOPLE.
In case you need a quick refresher course, canned meat is ideal for senior citizens with mobility issues who can’t hang out at the stove cooking things. I think the beef chunks taste like homemade pot roast, and the ground beef is swell in a speedy soup made with a box of broth and a cup of Harmony House dehydrated veggies that includes ACTUAL PEAS and TEENY GREEN BEANS. [See Easy Beef Vegetable Soup for Senior Citizens.] This is so damn yum you could have a nervous breakdown!

Last night Sam and I watched Ben-Hur (1959) starring Charlton Heston, Messala and a bunch of lepers. This is one of my all-time favorite movies, and even if I watched it a thousand times I don’t think I could ever find fault with a single minute of it. In case you don’t believe me, I’ll post the movie trailer below these pictures. (You’re welcome.)

Thank you for reading this. I think I’ll go to bed now.

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