It’s Moron Remediation Day here at Howdygram headquarters.

Hello, everybody. It’s Moron Remediation Day [read my previous post] and I’ll begin with our ongoing Web.com email debacle. Since I was positive they’re overcharging for my new email-only account I decided to call Web.com’s sales department this morning to get an anonymous quote for the same service — and guess what — they ARE overcharging me! Actually, GOUGING is a better word for it, because the poop-head I talked to last Thursday set up my service at $7.95 per month ($103.35 per year), and today the sales department switched me to a plan with Network Solutions for $62.97 per year.

And here’s a public service announcement from our Buyer Beware department. In case you’re wondering how $7.95 per month equals $103.35 per year instead of (correctly) $95.40, it’s because Web.com uses a bullshit 13-month calendar from another solar system. They bill you every four weeks, which is 13 times a year. Another reason why everybody should hate their lousy guts.

In other Moron Remediation Day news I just talked to the supervisor at the Mesquite annex of the Garland post office to find out why the hell we’re getting mail delivered when I submitted a vacation hold online more than a week ago. He didn’t have an answer — what a surprise — but wrote down the start date and end date and said he’d give the information to our carrier, which I assumed was the whole point of submitting an online form in the first place. I have ZERO CONFIDENCE in this, people. Zero! Unfortunately, I’m unable to shlep my ass down to the the curb to collect my own mail from my own mailbox due to being a senior citizen with mobility issues (I only leave the house for doctor appointments and dim sum) so whenever Sam is out of town we arrange for a vacation hold. AND SOMETHING ALWAYS GOES WRONG.

In case you’re also wondering whatever happened with the boxed set of cheesy sci-fi DVDs that should have been delivered yesterday, Amazon asked if I’d wait until 5 p.m. today before requesting a refund or replacement because the shipment might miraculously show up even though USPS tracking indicates the package reached its final destination on Sunday afternoon somewhere in Sachse, Texas. In the meantime I’ve got plenty of fine entertainment stored on our DVR for exactly this kind of emergency, such as Murder on a Honeymoon (1935) starring Edna May Oliver and James Gleason and Journey to the Center of the Earth (1959) starring James Mason and Pat Boone.

I actually might have to whack somebody in the head with my cane one of these days. But not right now. It’s nap time.