There’s nothing I can do to raise my numbers or make this better. My heart is failing, period.

Shalom, welcome and how’s everything with all y’all*!? It’s a few minutes past 3:45 on Sunday morning and I thought I’d kill a little time with a Howdygram post. I just spent the last 24 hours designing more greeting cards for The Howdygram Store, and I definitely need a break right now from all that stinkin’ creativity. An Andy Hardy movie, Hostess SnoBalls and a pair of Hydrocodones would be a fabulous way to unwind. (Especially the Hydrocodones.)

Real Texans here in Texas actually use the phrase ALL Y’ALL, as in: “On Wednesday night after prayer meeting we’ll come over to all y’alls’ house for pudding and sweet tea.” (If this sounds weird, awkward and overtly Southern Baptist, trust me … it’s even worse in person.)

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Please allow me a few minutes here with an update on my overall health condition, which can best be described as “declining” by hospice R.N.s.

THOSE WICKED, WICKED UTI BURNING SPASMS. They’re back, over and over and over, several times every hour. It’s like trying to pee lava. Sam says there’s nothing unusual in my catheter collection bag (sorry if this is too graphic) and I’m apparently not “passing” anything — no dark colors, no gunk, no gravel, no sediment — so these spasms are just my bladder’s efforts to expel the catheter. And lest we forget, this is also a reaction to the year-long urinary tract infection* that nobody will ever be able to cure because I’m 100% resistant now to every antibiotic known to medical science.

I’ve been fighting the same GODDAMN URINARY TRACT INFECTION since March 2018, when I arrived at Baylor Hospital by ambulance and was catheterized in the E.R. The hospital pumped me full of intravenous antibiotics for seven straight days but still couldn’t kill the infection. When I went back in May (again by ambulance) I still had the UTI. I was catheterized again, but the hospital gave up after two days on antibiotics and a urine culture test. They sent me home on day three, catheterized, under the care of Accord Hospice. That’s where I am today.

TREMORS. Most days they’re just in my fingers and hands. Today I also had tremors in my mouth and tongue, which made it awfully difficult to talk and form words.

LOW OXYGEN LEVEL AND HEART RATE. I guess this is the “scariest” part of my decline … congestive heart failure, which manifests itself as a low oxygen level (under 90%) and a slow heart rate. Frequently when I wake up from a nap, even though I wear a cannula 24/7 now, my oxygen level is about 85% and my heart rate is in the mid-50s. There’s nothing I can do to raise my numbers or make this better. My heart is failing, period.

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I won’t go into too much detail about the week ahead except for the following points:

• Monthly CATHETER DAY has been moved from tomorrow (Monday) to Wednesday because my hospice R.N. (Martha) has a conflicting schedule. I don’t mind. Postponing a catheter change is like a happy gift from heaven.
  
• Tomorrow morning I’ll get a terrific SALON-QUALITY SHAMPOO from my C.N.A., Leticia. I love shampoo day!
• Also tomorrow I’m expecting the fabulous WAL-MART DELIVERY illustrated below, which includes several products I didn’t think I’d ever be able to find again … Manischewitz matzo balls in tall glass jars, Wyler’s real Italian Ices, and a new product, Otter Pops Sorbet in the same “six zippy flavors” as original Otter Pops. Oh boy! Thank you, Wal-Mart …

• On Tuesday we’re expecting Sam’s NEW CUISINART COFFEEMAKER from Amazon. This afternoon I ordered a snazzy digital model pictured below … the #DCC-3400 with a 12-cup thermal carafe and genuine push-buttons. Grand total with tax, $107.16. Woo-hoo!

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It’s been a nice day for movies around here and I’d like to share quick reviews for two of them: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931) starring Fredric March and Miriam Hopkins, and Titanic (1953) starring Clifton Webb, Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Wagner.

This pre-code version of DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE tells the classic story of good and evil with just the right amount of scary, sexual “edge” to it … and nobody does sexy better than Miriam Hopkins, who made a number of movies like this (especially sexy comedies for director Ernst Lubitsch) in the early 1930s. The special effects are top-notch as well, with some brilliant transition photography for Fredric March’s Jekyll/Hyde character achieved with color filters and B&W film. (This movie is much better than the Spencer Tracy/Ingrid Bergman version from 1941.)

As long as I’m making comparisons, Sam and I both agreed today that 1953’s TITANIC, starring Clifton Webb, Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Wagner, was actually far superior to the outrageous “spectacle”  by James Cameron in 1997. (You know, the one with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.)

We watched the Clifton Webb/Barbara Stanwyck film this afternoon. The restrained, beautifully acted stories of the various passengers, the incredible and outstanding special effects (especially for 1953!), the heart-wrenching final scene with a British band on deck playing “Nearer, My God, to Thee” while the ship goes down, still brings me to tears every single time.

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One last thought before I publish this post and get back to my greeting card designs. A couple of hours ago I made a decision to stop reading, digesting and commenting on political stories from the national and international news. I’m done with this, especially after Sam told me earlier today that Attorney General William Barr decided to fuck the United States by declaring that Donald Trump is innocent of collusion and obstruction of justice. Rather than get hysterical I decided to turn off the lights. I don’t know how much time I have left on this earth but I sure don’t want to spend it getting a brain hemorrhage about Donald Trump.

Thank you for your support.