Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Living life between the spasms.

It’s Tuesday morning, boys and girls, a few minutes before 11 a.m., and I just greeted the day with a handful of pills, two Hydrocodones and a pair of intense, back-to-back burning bladder spasms.



You have no idea how much I want these fucking pains to end. For the last year I’ve tried everything medical science has thrown at me — gallons of antibiotics, Ditropan and dangerous kidney failure* pills — but nothing worked. Now I try to enjoy what’s left of my life between the spasms.

The two drugs recommended by my hospice M.D. were Pyridium and Azo, the latter being an over-the-counter and lower-dose version of the former. I tried both in rapid succession a couple of months ago but had to give them up after studying the side effects (thank you to the Mayo Clinic’s online library) … all pointing to KIDNEY FAILURE. I already have chronic kidney disease and don’t want to spend the rest of my life on dialysis.

This was all so frightful and exhausting on Saturday, Sunday and Monday (nonstop pain with only a minute or two of blessed relief after each) that I finally came to grips with ending my life. Sam and I have discussed this at length over the past year and he’s in agreement that anyone has a right to end it when the quality of life is gone … and certainly nonstop burning bladder pain is a debilitating and thoroughly legitimate reason. Jesus.

And that brings us to my latest medical issue. This afternoon I asked Sam to call the hospice after he discovered a LARGE BLEEDING HOO-HAH on my butt. He couldn’t tell if it was a pressure sore or another equally miserable open wound of some sort, so he called to request a nurse. Leslie arrived 15 minutes later.

Leslie said the wound wasn’t as scary as Sam thought … just a “slice” in the skin, probably due to rubbing against my catheter cord. While this sounds unlikely to me — I’m pretty sure I would feel a catheter cord under my ass! — she treated it with a miracle barrier cream and then watched me writhe in pain from multiple back-to-back burning urinary tract spasms. With tears in her eyes Leslie asked if I would be willing to try other prescription medications to stop the spasms, such as anti-spasmodics (obviously) or even anti-anxiety drugs, and when I agreed (wholeheartedly!) she called the hospice M.D. to inquire about some options.

However, as soon as Leslie left I had a brainstorm. I Googled “anti-spasmodics,” and the first drug that popped up on MedicineNet.com was Imodium … everybody’s favorite over-the-counter diarrhea medication. I asked Sam to bring me the little bottle from my desk in the study, I took two pills, and within minutes my bladder spasms GROUND TO A HALT. And five hours later I’m still pain-free!
Obviously I can’t continue taking Imodium indefinitely because I’ll need a hydrogen bomb to relieve the eventual constipation … so I’m hoping there’s a prescription anti-spasmodic drug that solves one problem without causing another. Stay tuned for more information but please feel free to resume your normal routine in the meantime. (Thank you.)



Tonight I’ve got an amazing gang of freebies for you … 11 of them unique dingbats fonts packed with cartoons, weird little faces and crazy characters. (I chose four representative cartoons from each font.) I love dingbats because they provide endless inspiration (and adorable, essential illustrations) for the greeting cards I design for The Howdygram Store. As a matter of fact, as soon as I upload all my artwork files to the Zazzle marketplace a few days from now I’ll take screen shots of everything and share some of them with you here. (I’m finishing up 25+ greeting cards designs and about a dozen mugs.)

In the meantime, I’ll include download links below the graphic in case you want some of these adorable free fonts for your collection. I think my personal favorites are “Square Heads,” “Women Heads,” “eGirlz” and “Little Miss.”




It’s Wednesday morning now, 9:53 a.m., and I have to get myself prepared for a hospice visit about half an hour from now. My R.N. (Martha), my L.V.N. (Leslie) and my C.N.A. (Leticia) will be here to give me a bath, treat the deteriorating skin on my thighs and then change my catheter. This is a considerable amount of activity for me all at once. But thank God … NO MORE BURNING SPASMS! I’m still taking tiny doses of Imodium, and it’s still working like magic. I’ve got my life back!

Thank you for reading this. Please do your best to remember the Alamo today, okay?

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