Sam and I would like to wish y’all a sweet and healthy Rosh Hashanah — L’SHANAH TOVAH, everybody! — which actually begins tonight at sundown. Although we aren’t observant here by any means, we do want to encourage you to get together this evening with as many of your Jewish friends and relatives as possible, eat a wad of gefilte fish and swing a few handfuls of confetti* at one other.
*Feel free to substitute horseradish. Thank you.
At this point I’ll begin using teeny red subtitles to introduce my subjects, okay? First of all, I’ve got some BIG NEWS ... OUR “2018 RESPITE HOO-HAH” HAS BEEN CALLED OFF. Yesterday Sam decided to cancel his trip to California, citing my increasingly fragile health as a good reason for us NOT to be apart right now. Therefore we also cancelled my nursing home excursion, which no longer felt like an adventure after that surprise “change of venue” earlier in the day. You may recall that my hospice social worker received word that The Villages of Lake Highlands had rejected my five-day stay, so on Friday morning I’d be carted off instead to Royse City Medical Lodge, way out in the Texas tumbleweeds northwest of Mesquite. No, thank you!
I’M HAVING A SUNDAY BLOODBATH HERE. I don’t know how to describe this, really … but everything on my goddamn body is bleeding today. This includes the backs of both thighs, the skin behind my kneecaps, under my boobies and the skin below my stomach. For the last few years I’ve had super-disgustingly sensitive skin that bleeds on contact when I start to itch or scratch. And today, for some reason, everything is itching … so everything is bleeding, too! Frankly, it makes me sick to my stomach. DING-DONG, EVERYBODY. IT’S FED-EX. I’m expecting a big juicy delivery from Wal-Mart on Tuesday that includes four cans of Keystone Beef (tastes exactly like homemade pot roast!) and one can of Keystone Chicken, cans of Campbell’s Beef and Chicken Gravies, several jars of Green Giant Whole Mushrooms and half a dozen boxes of Wyler’s Italian Ice Pops.
 |
| Absolutely incredible Keystone Beef … it’s like mom’s pot roast in a can. |
HERE’S MY WEEK AHEAD. I’ve got bathing and hygiene sessions with my hospice C.N.A. scheduled at 10:30 a.m. on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and a visit from my hospice R.N. sometime on Monday. I think that’s it for the time being, although sometimes life tends to throw a few curve balls at you. And of course, you already know that my nursing home adventure, which was supposed to start on September 14, is totally kaput. Likewise for Sam’s trip to California.
I need to wake Sam so I can get a couple of Popsicles. In the meantime, however, thank you for reading this … and for a change please do your best not to forget the Alamo. Love from Texas!
No comments:
Post a Comment