I’m not so good with change any more, or anything new in my life.

I’m writing this post from the sublime comfort of my brand new AUTHENTIC, ADJUSTABLE HOSPITAL BED, right here in the family room at Howdygram headquarters! The bed was delivered late this morning, assembled in less than 15 minutes, and then Sam ran over to Wal-Mart to buy a set of twin sheets, laundered them, and then — here’s the screwy part — arranged for four paramedics from the Mesquite fire department to help me stand up from the chaise lounge and sit me down on the hospital bed. FOUR PARAMEDICS! When I finally got into bed and adjusted the height and knees and head, I was so damn exhausted that I conked out for five whole hours.

I’m not so good with change any more, or anything new in my life. Sam will be the first to tell you that my health status at best is exceptionally “fragile,” and I’m always frightened of experiencing additional pain or getting myself stuck in a situation that I can’t get out of. Like sitting on a new piece of furniture, or not being able to stand up after I use the commode. In case you don’t know this about me, I’m a fucking mess.

And I never even realized that it’s Yom Kippur until 15 minutes ago. Oy.

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I haven’t eaten very much today. When I woke up from that five-hour nap (see the first paragraph, above) it was already 8:30 p.m. and I told Sam I was awfully hungry and to bring me a pair of Popsicles (my favorite appetizer) and the rest of my leftover chicken egg foo young, which actually wasn’t enough to fill a tooth … maybe one-third of a pancake, scant gravy and two rock-hard nubs of actual poultry. When I finished I decided to watch today’s episode of “The People’s Court” with two more Popsicles followed by The Story of Louis Pasteur (1936) starring Paul Muni and It Happened One Night (1934) starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert. Right now my movie of choice is Stamboul Quest (1934), a thoroughly serious World War I yarn starring Myrna Loy (as a German spy) and George Brent (as her secretary). You usually see these two in romantic comedies … they’re both so excellent in this!

Sam, my poor string bean, is asleep on the sofa. He’s had an exhausting stressful and strenuous day. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be as a full-time caregiver. Sometimes it just breaks my heart that I’m so goddamn needy all the time.

When he wakes up I’ll ask for a bedtime snack … a can of Del Monte Zucchini in Italian Style Tomato Sauce and, of course, a few more tropical Popsicles. (I’m starving.)

My fabulous tropical Popsicles come in a box of 20.

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I’m watching one of my favorite movies right now … I Remember the Alamo Mama (1948) starring Irene Dunne and Oscar Homolka. This is such a sweet movie. I never get tired of it! Sam thinks it’s a “chick flick” (it probably is) and a little sappy (it’s not), but I don’t care. I love it. I Remember Mama was nominated for five Academy Awards … Best Actress (Irene Dunne), Best Supporting Actor (Oscar Homolka), Best Supporting Actress (Ellen Corby), Best Supporting Actress (Barbara Bel Geddes) and Best Black and White Cinematography. Impressive, right? (Ellen Corby won in her category.)

The cast of “I Remember Mama.” That’s Irene Dunne with the pencil.

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It’s 2:30 a.m. now and I need sleep. Thank you for reading this, but if have any fancy plans to remember the Alamo, go ahead. Just don’t expect me to be thrilled about it.