The Howdygram 2: You will not discriminate! You will submit quarterly reports!

Thursday, June 18, 2015

You will not discriminate! You will submit quarterly reports!

I don’t know how long I’ll last at the keyboard tonight because I’ve been falling asleep here for the last 45 minutes. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on; I’m totally zoned out from my pain meds (Norco) and keep drifting off into a dense fog that’s punctuated intermittently by nausea and a pounding headache. However I would like to begin this post with some YOOOOGE NEWS delivered in my best Donald Trump accent.

OUR MASTER BATHROOM REMODELING PROJECT WILL GET UNDERWAY ON TUESDAY, JULY 7. Glorioski and holy crap! I can’t wait!

A person from Re-Bath called yesterday to let me know all of our materials are in stock and ready for installation, so together we looked at the calendar to pick a start date. Their first suggestion was Monday, June 29, but Sam is taking five days of “staycation” that week — you know, a vacation at home — and doesn’t want a houseful of construction dudes to get in our way or wreck our peace and quiet.

I’d like to include a Putz of the Week for you tonight. It’s none other than repulsive Rick Santorum, who joined the chorus of right-wing assholes commenting Thursday on the senseless murders at the Emanuel A.M.E. Church in Charleston, South Carolina. Let’s crawl our way through his comments on Joe Piscopo’s conservative talk radio program to see where it all went wrong, okay?

Santorum starts off by saying this was “obviously a crime of hate.” Yes, correct! “What other rationale” could there be? He continued, “You’re sort of lost that someone would walk into a Bible study at a church and indiscriminately kill people.” Still on the right track! Although he doesn’t mention that it was a white guy who shot up a black church, he did say “hate.”

At this point it seems that Santorum is starting to line up with the crackpots on Fox News spewing their bullshit about how it was an anti-Christian hate crime — Christians are suffering such heinous persecution in America today! — and decides to run with the assumption that the suspect, Dylann Roof, must be a violent atheist and not a racist. This is in spite of the fact that Roof told his nine victims: “You rape our women, and you’re taking over our country. And you have to go.” He was addressing BLACK PEOPLE, you idiot ... NOT CHRISTIANS!

Santorum seems to be at a loss for words, however, and says all we can do is pray for the families and console the victims (how does a person console a dead victim?), and that’s when Rick’s persecution autopilot kicks in. Did somebody say prayer? ARE CHRISTIANS STILL ALLOWED TO PRAY IN AMERICA? “You talk about the importance of prayer at this time, but we’re now seeing assaults on religious liberty like we’ve never seen before.”

Seriously, Rick? Are Christians being denied the right to pray for people? Is this a real and actual thing that’s happening? And who does Rick believe is assaulting everybody’s religious liberty? Oh that’s right: IT’S THE GAYS.

Santorum explained how gays and lesbians are Hitlering all the good Bible-believing Christians by forcibly compelling them to frost cakes and arrange flowers. “You now see situations with bakers and florists and photographers being forced to provide services for same-sex weddings or get fined, lose their business,” he said during a recent appearance on the American Family Association’s radio program “In the case of Colorado, there was a Colorado case recently where SOMEONE WAS FORCED TO GO TO A RE-EDUCATION CAMP.”

A re-education camp? Exaggerate much, Rick? For the record, when the Colorado Civil Rights Commission ruled in May that Christian baker Jack Phillips’ refusal in 2012 to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple on “religious grounds” violated the state’s anti-discrimination laws, the panel ordered Phillips to submit quarterly reports for two years, outlining how he implemented new business policies, including anti-discrimination training for the staff.

To Rick Santorum this is exactly the same as sending American freedom fighter cake-baking refusal hero Jack Phillips to Auschwitz. YOU WILL NOT DISCRIMINATE! YOU WILL SUBMIT QUARTERLY REPORTS!

Never EVER trust a dipshit who graduates from high school looking like THIS.