An illustrated compendium of my action-packed Sunday.

Howdy, people. Your favorite housebound senior citizen with shitty knees — i.e., moi — would like to share an illustrated compendium of her action-packed Sunday, which will explain why I couldn’t find time to squeeze in a Howdygram post. Thank you very much for giving a crap.

My Sunday included all of the following:

• A pleasant little Jimmy Dean breakfast biscuit with napkins.
• Tried out the new vanity stool from Amazon that Sam assembled yesterday. It’s bigger than I expected (a definite plus), extremely sturdy for my substantial fanny and looks really swell in the master bathroom.
• Watched a few outstanding films: Godzilla (1956) starring Raymond Burr; The Birds (1963) starring Tippi Hedren and Rod Taylor; Dangerous When Wet (1953) starring Esther Williams; and an excellent episode of “Columbo” from 1974 co-starring Dick Van Dyke as a photographer who fakes his wife’s kidnapping. Pop Secret was served at 2 p.m.
• Ordered a case of lobster ramen and four bags of store-brand butt wipes from Wal-Mart. (Trust me, these are the best butt wipes on the market. Please don’t ask for details.)
• Received my 100% vinyl dark brown eyeglasses case from Amazon. (Sunday delivery really rocks.)
• Had a late dinner after Sam picked up Five Guys cheeseburgers and fries. We LOVE Five Guys cheeseburgers.
• I can’t think of anything else.

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Sam is off work on a “staycation” at home through July 5 ... and today is his 56th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM! As far as I can tell he has no real plans for the week, although as I write this post he’s down the street at Lowe’s picking up a bunch of paint chips so we can choose colors for the master bathroom and family room. We’re remodeling AND THIS IS A VERY, VERY BIG DEAL! The bathroom people will be here a week from tomorrow to double the size of our shower and install new a vanity countertop, and our handyman Gary starts on July 20 to paint the bathroom, paint the cabinets, install new cabinet hardware, re-hang the towel rings and paint two accent walls in the family room. I’m so damn excited I might have a nervous breakdown.

Thank you.