Nobody cares what’s on a senior citizen’s feet when she’s sitting in a wheelchair.

It’s 9:30 Friday morning, and I’m pleased to report that Sam is on his way to Costco for a trunkload of AWESOME CRAP that includes: 1) little cups of spicy guacamole; 2) frozen flame-broiled Angus hamburger patties; 3) teeny tacos; 4) breakfast burritos; 5) salsa; 6) gigantic baskets of blackberries; and 7) a two-pound tub of Cape Cod Chicken Salad made with cranberries, pecans, honey and actual chicken. No cod.

Before he goes to Costco, however, Sam will stop at our nearby Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market for assorted other essentials, such as Oscar Mayer pickle & pimiento loaf, sliced cheese, bagels, cream cheese, Lay’s potato chips and Diet Sunkist orange soda in bottles and cans because I love this shit.

The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) Costco at I-30 and Route 205 in Rockwall; C) Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market on Town East Boulevard; and D) our former dry cleaner due to Sam being fed up with the owner’s snotty wife who’s from India, has a lousy attitude and nobody can understand her English. (We’re currently looking for a new dry cleaner.)

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I ordered new slippers yesterday from FootSmart. These are the most comfortable whatnots on the planet and I’ve owned three pair already. I wear them about 18 hours a day and replace them when the lining starts to wear out. I even wear them when I go to doctor appointments because nobody cares what’s on a senior citizen’s feet when she’s sitting in a wheelchair.

Thank you.