I would like to share with y’all the joy of living in Texas as a tiny blue dot on a map that’s SOLID RED. This means Sam and I are vastly outnumbered by the lunatic right-wing fringe, conspiracy theorists, Bible-beaters, gun-humpers, anti-immigration gay-bashing “patriots” and VERY STUPID PEOPLE. All that aside, however, the Dallas metro area is a pleasant place to live with great shopping.
“Here it goes, America. The time is now. In McKinney, Texas, Al Sharpton has brought in the Black Panthers, and they’re pulling this crap: If we can’t swim, you can’t drive. This is not gonna be another, “Oh hands up, don’t shoot” crap in Texas. THIS IS NOT GOING DOWN, PEOPLE. This is not going to happen. I have already personally warned Al Sharpton and his little cronies: You leave Texas, and you leave Texas now.
“This Saturday, June 13, I will be in McKinney, Texas, at 10 o’clock in the morning. And I am leading every RED-BLOODED AMERICAN that is over this to McKinney, Texas. And we are going to your little hotel, to your little hiding spots, everywhere I can think of, and we are going to run you out of Texas. This is not a warning. This is a promise. We will be there. You will see me. You will leave Texas. Understood.”
“This Saturday, June 13, I will be in McKinney, Texas, at 10 o’clock in the morning. And I am leading every RED-BLOODED AMERICAN that is over this to McKinney, Texas. And we are going to your little hotel, to your little hiding spots, everywhere I can think of, and we are going to run you out of Texas. This is not a warning. This is a promise. We will be there. You will see me. You will leave Texas. Understood.”
Of course, now Kent will whine that his life is in danger from “evil racists” and trolls coming after him on the Internet, and then he’ll need more money to buy guns, hide out and defend himself from haters. If he’s lucky, a sympathetic right-wing radio host — or maybe even a Fox News guest! — will condemn America for persecuting this ignorant racist piece of shit asshole, because he is the true victim here. IT’S THE NEW AMERICAN DREAM!
In the meantime, somebody should tell this clown that AL SHARPTON IS NOT IN TEXAS.
Very stupid Texan #2 is KORY WATKINS, that dipshit ammosexual Second Amendment gun-humper from Open Carry Texas who screams at police officers and thinks our tyrannical state legislators should “swing from the tree of liberty.”
I might puke.
But that’s not enough for Kory Watkins. He wants Texans to know that if you really loved the Second Amendment you’d recognize that Governor Greg Abbott is a tyrant, because THERE’S NOTHING IN THE CONSTITUTION ABOUT PERMITS! So far, he hasn’t specifically called for Abbott to be executed (after a fair trial for treason) but I’m sure that’s just a temporary oversight.
On Facebook, Watkins complained: “Since the Constitution doesn’t mention anything about needing a permit it’s actually illegal for any state to require gun permits or have any regulations on guns at all (as all gun-humpers know, the “well-regulated” part of the Second Amendment only means that you have to be good at shooting whatever murder stick you have handy, because old Dictionaries).
Watkins also vowed to ignore the new law’s licensing requirement, saying, “I carry anywhere. I don’t give a shit.” This is a man who knows his God-given rights and obviously doesn’t care that his multiple misdemeanor convictions — mere youthful burglaries — disqualify him from getting a Texas handgun permit at all. Because real patriots can break unjust laws, JUST LIKE MARTIN LUTHER KING!
Very stupid Texan #3 is very our own GOVERNOR GREG ABBOTT, who’s pandering to the Lone Star State’s lowest common demoninator. He declared a state of emergency in the town of Bastrop, where residents are positive that President Obama is planning an armed invasion of Texas and other southwestern states, making it the first time in history a leader would attempt to conquer something he already controls.
“I, for one, am glad you have the Texas National Guard keeping an eye on what is happening with the Jade Helms exercise. I do not trust Bark [sic] Obama or any of his administrators and what they may have plans for our nation. It wouldn’t surprise me if Obama called for marshall [sic] law in order to stop the next election from taking place.”
“God bless you and thank you for standing with us against the illegal Obama operation. We are committed by God to stand to defend truth and innocent life. We pray God will protect you as you face the lies and ridicule of these treasonous tyrants.”
“I am asking you Mr. Governor to declare Texas a FREE AND SOVEREIGN STATE and do not allow Texas to participate in the jade helms hogwash exercise. We have a president that has already declared Texas a hostile state. Why would we permit this? We continue to be trampled on and one piece at a time we are having our rights stripped.”
“God bless you and thank you for standing with us against the illegal Obama operation. We are committed by God to stand to defend truth and innocent life. We pray God will protect you as you face the lies and ridicule of these treasonous tyrants.”
“I am asking you Mr. Governor to declare Texas a FREE AND SOVEREIGN STATE and do not allow Texas to participate in the jade helms hogwash exercise. We have a president that has already declared Texas a hostile state. Why would we permit this? We continue to be trampled on and one piece at a time we are having our rights stripped.”
Actually, people, the anti-Abbott letters are even better!
“You are a disgrace to Texas. We are appalled that you would give credence to this conspiracy nonsense. You have embarrassed all Texans and you’re wasting tax dollars sending the Texas State Guard to monitor the U.S. military. What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“You’re such a dumb son of a bitch.”
“You have made Texas a laughingstock. Obama invading Texas? You can’t possibly be that stupid. Call me if you have any questions.”
“Governor, your recent statements about martial law because the U.S. military will be running training exercises in Texas does NOT bolster faith in your administration. This is the kind of crap we would expect from Donald Trump. How dare you waste our tax dollars monitoring U.S. troops when our educational system is in such disarray.”
“You are an idiot and you’re making all of us looks like redneck dumbasses. Do us a favor and resign now because you’re too stupid to govern.”
“You’re such a dumb son of a bitch.”
“You have made Texas a laughingstock. Obama invading Texas? You can’t possibly be that stupid. Call me if you have any questions.”
“Governor, your recent statements about martial law because the U.S. military will be running training exercises in Texas does NOT bolster faith in your administration. This is the kind of crap we would expect from Donald Trump. How dare you waste our tax dollars monitoring U.S. troops when our educational system is in such disarray.”
“You are an idiot and you’re making all of us looks like redneck dumbasses. Do us a favor and resign now because you’re too stupid to govern.”
The Bush family is TOXIC. George Dubya can’t even leave the country without danger of being arrested for war crimes! Does Jeb really think we’ll forget that? Every other former president is welcomed overseas with open arms; Dubya is still despised EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD for all the damage he’s done. KEEP JEB BUSH OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE!
Thank you for putting up with my Texas-sized rant.
It’s almost 11 p.m., and when Sam gets home from work (any minute now!) we’ll spend the rest of the night holding hands and listening to the wind from what’s left of Tropical Storm Bill. In case you’re interested, this really didn’t turn out to be a “stormpocalypse” after all and we didn’t get much rain, either. Maybe two inches. Big deal, right?
No comments:
Post a Comment