Sunday, August 5, 2018

Sam might make a scouting visit to The Villages of Lake Highlands today.

I’d like to begin this post with a general overview of Saturday, August 4 … using neatly-typed bright red subheads. Thank you.

I’VE BEEN COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS since 8 o’clock this morning and honestly don’t remember anything after that … although my day started long before 8 a.m. Frankly, I remember first waking up around 4, with Sam whispering that I never took my bedtime meds. So I opened my eyes, yanked off my cannula (plastic breathing apparatus), swallowed a fistful of pills and announced that I’d like to sit at my computer workstation for a few hours. So that’s what I did, and I was still sitting at my desk — developing several new greeting card designs — when Sam left to go for his morning walk at 5:45. By the time he got home, though, I was exhausted and nodding off, so I took a nice juicy dose of liquid Morphine, shlepped myself back to the chaise lounge and passed out.

On Sunday (tomorrow) Sam said he’d make a secret scouting visit to The Villages of Lake Highlands, THE SKILLED NURSING FACILITY IN DALLAS where I’ll be spending five days next month while Sam takes a “caregiver’s respite” (he’ll be in California horsing around with his friends and relatives). Nursing facilities all look terrific online … but mostly I want Sam to take a few photos for me, ask for a couple of sample dining room menus, and so on. The point is, I think I’m starting to freak out because nobody in my family ever got sent to a nursing home at 66 years old. I’M TOO DAMN YOUNG FOR THIS!

(Don’t panic. I’m just kidding.)

I had a PECULIAR DREAM ABOUT JOHN WAYNE this afternoon. Later I found out that Sam had been watching John Wayne’s Rio Grande (1950) with Maureen O’Hara and Ben Johnson while I was asleep … and my brain probably got “infused” with a part of the movie’s storyline. Rio Grande is actually the best of (and my favorite) John Ford’s calvary trilogy films. The others were She Wore a Yellow Ribbon (1949) and Fort Apache (1948). This question might come up sometime on “Jeopardy” … and now you’ll know the answer! Woo-hoo!

I’m having a night of weird cravings again. I had Sam make me a box of STOVE TOP CHICKEN STUFFING for dinner a couple of hours ago. I didn’t eat all of it and asked him to keep the leftovers in the fridge for me. … but that was two hours ago … and I want the rest of it IMMEDIATELY followed by a couple of Popsicles and a Luigi’s Italian Ice (lemon flavor is my favorite). I also wouldn’t mind a can of GLORY SWEET POTATO CASSEROLE but I don’t think we’ll have any in the pantry until we get our next Wal-Mart order. Incidentally, Glory Sweet Potato Casserole is absolutely outstanding and tastes exactly like the best Thanksgiving sweet potatoes you’ve ever tasted! Therefore … I think you should give it a trial run in advance and then use this product for the holidays this year. Just pour the contents of four or five 15-ounce cans — only $1.48 each — into a nice casserole dish, line up a bunch of marshmallows on top and bake it in the oven for about 30 minutes until the marshmallows turn brown. People will love you for this, and you won’t have to fuck around mashing any sweet potatoes!

YOOGE TIP: You probably won’t find cans of Glory Sweet Potato Casserole in the grocery store, so save yourself some grief and order a bunch from Wal-Mart. You’re welcome.

Ready for an update? It’s 1 a.m., Sam is in bed, I just finished a bowl of leftover stuffing with gravy and mushrooms and I’m noshing now on my final snack of the night. It’s a coffee mug full of FRUIT COCKTAIL, the original 1950s “health food” that includes diced peaches, diced pears, infrequent green grapes and half a faux maraschino cherry. In addition, none of this is nearly as tasty as it was when I was six years old. Meh!

I guess I should shut down my MacBook now, finish up the last of that dreary fruit cocktail and get some sleep. Tonight’s bedtime movie — as always — will be Journey to the Center of the Earth (1959) starring James Mason, Arlene Dahl and Pat Boone. I love this movie so much … but most nights I don’t make it past the first 10 minutes.

Pat Boone, Peter Ronson, James Mason and Arlene Dahl in “Journey to the Center of the Earth.”

Thank you for reading this, and please don’t forget to snarl at the Alamo if you’re in the neighborhood today. Adios, shalom … and what the fuck!

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