Friday, July 1, 2016

I always keep a handy-dandy canister of Manischewitz matzo farfel on my desk.

Happy Friday night to you and yours! I thought I’d write another blog post due to having plenty of free time AND WHY THE HELL NOT?! For the moment this is more fun than uploading lunch box designs to The Howdygram Store ... plus I’m still eating my dinner and don’t really need another nap yet.

Let’s move on, shall we?

I’d like to shout a big fat “YUM!” for Hormel’s Compleats Rice & Chicken Comfort Classics. Even though it looks nothing like the picture on the package, this is actually a tasty concoction of soft rice, peas & carrots, diced tomatoes and substantial chunks of chicken in a sauce that’s more like a nice, thick soup. As a matter of fact, it’s so much like soup that I can add MANISCHEWITZ MATZO FARFEL from the handy-dandy one-pound canister I keep on my desk! (I wouldn’t joke about that.) Last week I ordered two of these Rice & Chicken things from Wal-Mart — a hell of a deal at two for $3.68 — and enjoyed both of them as pre-dinner snacks. And so I’m awarding Compleats Rice & Chicken with the Howdygram’s pleasant four-chopper rating.
Incidentally, this might have earned five choppers if the product actually looked more like the picture. This really isn’t Rice & Chicken ... it’s Chicken Rice Soup! Please see the image below in case you don’t believe me.

Apparently the Manhattan orangutan, Donald J. Trump, humiliated himself at a 2012 Susan G. Komen Foundation auction fundraiser when he got into a bidding war over a stupid Tim Tebow helmet and jersey from the football player’s brief tenure with the Denver Broncos. According to the Washington Post, Trump paid $12,000 ... with funds from the Donald J. Trump Foundation!

According to the Post’s David A. Fahrenthold: “Trump himself sent no money. (In fact, a Komen spokeswoman said Trump has never given a personal gift of cash to the Komen organization.) He paid the bill with money from a charity he founded in 1987, but which is largely stocked with other people’s donations. Trump is the foundation’s president but at the time of the auction he had given none of his own money to the foundation for three years running.” Cheap bastard. The Post discovered this hoo-hah while reviewing Trump’s charitable giving ... which is a true oxymoron if I ever heard one. And it also asked tax law experts if Trump violated IRS rules against “self dealing.” (Yes, of course ... and it’s highly likely.)

In case you’re wondering, Trump’s campaign won’t respond to any requests for comment because they’re assholes. Also because Tim Tebow gear is worth ABSOLUTELY NOTHING now.
Hey, you remember Tim Tebow, right? This might refresh your memory.

General Mills is expanding a mysterious flour recall that nobody ever heard of following an outbreak of E. coli O121 that’s been responsible for 42 cases of illness in 21 states. Eleven of those individuals have been hospitalized. All of them are really aggravated. Therefore General Mills is recalling more than 10 million pounds of flour — TEN MILLION POUNDS! — because most of the affected individuals reported eating something homemade with a General Mills brand of flour. (Including something really stupid like raw batter or cookie dough.)

The recall includes Gold Medal flour, Wondra flour and Signature Kitchens flour, which are sold at Safeway, Albertsons, Jewel, Shaws, Vons, United, Randalls and Acme grocery stores. Jesus H. Christ. The whole country is going to hell.

I’ve got a quick medical update for those of you who give a damn. Dr. M’s weekend on-call partner prescribed an antibiotic for the urinary tract infection that didn’t actually show up in the pee-pee sample I dropped off a few days ago. However, since I’ve got all the symptoms — chills, low-grade fever, uncontrollable bladder issues — I’ll definitely feel better on an antibiotic and hopefully stop marking territory as I try to drag myself to the closest bathroom.

Sam always gets upset when I write a paragraph like that. Do you?

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