My morning meds turned me into a groggy zombie today with floaty arms and double vision.

Good morning, people. It’s not quite 9 a.m., I just finished a couple of rock-hard Jimmy Dean sausage biscuits (definitely my fault; I nuked them too long) and I’m pleased to report that my morning meds turned me into a groggy zombie today with floaty arms and double vision. This feels GODDAMN FABULOUS and I highly recommend the drug combination listed below.

• Metoprolol, 25 mg
• Norco, 15 mg
• Gabapentin, 900 mg
• Diet Sunkist with ice

In case you give a crap, the following key issues are on my radar today:

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY URINE SAMPLE. Sam dropped it off at the lab on  Wednesday morning and I should have had the results within a couple of hours. Nope. So I emailed Dr. M yesterday to ask what’s going on — no answer! — and today at 6 a.m. I emailed her again. Still no answer! The problem, of course, is usually with her unresponsive  medical assistants (they SUCK) therefore Sam just drove over to the clinic to pound his fists on the front desk and scare the staff. The result? Apparently Dr. M is already gone for the holiday weekend and another doctor is covering for her, but the office manager promised I’d know the lab results today and a prescription will be faxed to my pharmacy if I need one. In the meantime you can peruse the two locations featured on the map below: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) Dr. M’s office at the Baylor Family Health Center.

MY AETNA MEDICARE PRIME ADVANTAGE PLAN ENROLLMENT IS A “DONE DEAL.” I just got off the phone — 78 minutes! — with a pleasant, verbally advanced agent from eHealth Medicare who double-checked everything on my application, asked a mountain of security questions, read pages of mandatory fine print disclosure statements at “ramming speed” and verified all of my prescription meds. We’re good to go and everything will be effective on October 1. Aetna will send my I.D. card and a copy of the policy within the next 15 days. I’m so excited I almost can’t stand it. MEDICARE! It’s official!

I’M EATING A BUCKET OF TERIYAKI YAKISOBA NOODLES FOR LUNCH. Jesus, they smell wonderful. I love this stuff.

CONTINUE EXPANDING THE HOWDYGRAM STORE. I’ve got about 40 lunch box designs to upload to Zazzle, and then I want to create new mug designs, more and better tote bags, greeting cards, bottle openers, drink coasters and — last but not least — take my best shot at throw pillows.

It’s a full life, isn’t it?