Breakfast fantasies and breaking news.

Yo. I feel pain-free and well-rested right now following a six-hour nap in the family room and a tasty, symmetrically-appealing dinner whipped together by Sam when he got home from work. This included two Costco pre-cooked Angus hamburger patties — with real melted American cheese! — flanked by teeny scoops of potato salad. Oy. Heaven.

My first choice was Stove Top stuffing but we didn’t have any.

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Tonight’s activities at Howdygram headquarters will include all of the following.

BREAKFAST FANTASIES. I just ordered myself a box of Special K with Red Berries and a quart of Almond Breeze online from Wal-Mart. These are two products I’d NEVER ask Sam to buy in the grocery store because I know he couldn’t find them due to the cereal aisle being total chaos and I don’t think our local Wal-Mart even carries almond milk.

FILLING MY PILL SORTER FOR THE WEEK AHEAD. I take a lot of drugs and Tuesday is always “refill” day here.

“SHPRITZING” MYSELF. I ordered a couple of perfumes from FragranceShop.com that arrived yesterday ... Burberry London and Euphoria Forbidden. I’ve been shpritzing both of them all day and the study smells like the main entrance at Saks Fifth Avenue.

WATCHING TV WITH SAM because he’s still not feeling very well and I think he’d enjoy my company if I smooshed up against him on the sofa and tucked him in. Please note that it’s 105° outside and Sam is wrapped in a faux mink blanket named Mister Furry.

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I forgot to include this image in my last Howdygram post. Thank you.

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And now for a quick BREAKING NEWS story! Earlier today a federal judge rejected a petition by the two Bundy brothers who led the armed occupation of a federal wildlife refuge in Oregon to be freed ahead of their trial, partly due to an aborted jailbreak attempt by one of them. (I’m guessing it was the one whose head was run over by a truck.)

Ammon and Ryan Bundy (and a gang of their heavily-armed pals) were the Einsteins who spent the entire month of January 2015 barricaded at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon — with Pop Tarts, hair conditioner and unrequested dildos — to protest federal land control in the West. This week the Bundys begged for their release from custody during a hearing on Monday in U.S. District Court in Portland.

U.S. District Judge Robert Jones’ three-page ruling said he couldn’t overlook their participation in the standoff with a large arsenal of weapons and their belief that “placing an armed force between officials seeking to enforce lawful orders and themselves is justified by their interpretation of the Constitution.” Both of these clowns are charged with conspiracy to use force, intimidation or threats to impede federal officers from discharging their duties.

Jones also said that Ryan Bundy, 43 (the dude with the smashed head), presented a flight risk due to an escape plan discovered in April from the Multnomah County Detention Center. “In Ryan Bundy’s cell, jail personnel found a rope made with multiple sheets tied together, additional strips of torn sheets, extra pillow cases, towels, clothing and food,” the judge wrote. “I reject his excuse that he was practicing braiding.”

PRACTICING BRAIDING?!

At the conclusion of their trial in Oregon, the Bundy brothers will also face charges of assault on a federal agent, threatening a law enforcement officer, conspiracy and firearms violations in connection with that infamous 2014 standoff in Nevada, which began when federal agents seized cattle from their father’s ranch because the asshole had racked up 20 years of unpaid grazing fees. (Old Cliven Bundy is incarcerated, too.)

Cliven, Cliven, Cliven ... if only you hadn’t been such a fucking cheapskate!

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Thank you for reading this.