Are you shopping? Are you spending? Are you having any fun?

So here’s what’s happening at 4 a.m. on the day after Thanksgiving: NOTHING WHATSOEVER. I tried going to bed a couple of hours ago but that didn’t work out very well; I got up about 30 minutes later and moved my carcass into the study to read, horse around online and drink a Marcytini. I figure I’ll hang out here and annoy you until I’m ready to get some sleep, maybe another hour or so. (You can thank me later.)

Marshmallow Santas are the only healthy snack I can eat in the middle of the night without teeth.

It’s 3:45 a.m., Sam is asleep and I’m enjoying a pleasant Howdygram interlude with Russell Stover sugar-free marshmallow Santas and a Marcytini. I’ll probably go back to bed eventually, but for now I’m perfectly okay with this arrangement due to marshmallow Santas being the only healthy snack I can eat in the middle of the night without teeth.

I was a very well-rounded child, musically.

It’s 4:15 a.m. and Sam is in bed, so it’s just you, me, the Howdygram and a box of Russell Stover sugar-free marshmallow Santas. Life is good.

A nicely-written timeline of Wednesday, November 12. Hang on for the wild ride.

We’ve got a very cold, very overcast, VERY windy afternoon here in north Texas. Specifically, it’s 39° with the wind gusting to 38 m.p.h., creating a totally perfect reason to hibernate with a nice big plate of kishka, Russell Stover sugar-free marshmallow Santas and Torch Song, the 1953  “cult” classic starring Joan Crawford as a desperate, ball-busting, middle-aged Broadway star with an outrageous Technicolor wardrobe who chews scenery and stomps her way through musical numbers like a Clydesdale in fishnet stockings. If you think I’m kidding, check out this video. It’s Joan — in blackface, if you can believe it — with her voice dubbed by India Adams. (Too bad you can’t dub that atrocious dancing.)

How to get surprise deep-dish Chicago-style pizza for no reason whatsoever.

My buddy Gayle got me thinking about turkey this afternoon and triggered the inevitable EMERGENCY HOLY CRAP FOOD CRAVING, which means I’ll have to throw together my World-Famous Senior Citizen Thanksgiving Bowl tonight for dinner because — sadly — I don’t know what time UPS will show up today with my crate of latkes and kishka from Kenny & Ziggy’s deli in Houston. Sometimes UPS gets here by 6 p.m. but usually not until 7 or 8, and I’d definitely wind up in a hypoglycemic coma if I wait that long to eat things. I guess I can always do kishka for dessert, right?