A VISIT FROM MY HOSPICE TEAM. My regular C.N.A. had a day off today so the hospice sent a replacement named Beauty (seriously), who did a below-average job with her bathing and hygiene responsibilities. Her biggest blunder was an effort to wash the soles of my feet, which resulted in an unexpected violent shriek (from me) because NOBODY gets to touch the soles of my feet! They’ve been completely destroyed by diabetic neuropathy — burning, tingling, electric shocks — and, as a result, I can’t walk, I can’t stand up, and I don’t want anybody touching my feet! (I think I scared poor Beauty half to death.) I also had a visit from my L.V.N. Leslie for a routine weekly checkup. Leslie never touches my feet.
DELIVERY OF MY PRESCRIPTION REFILLS. The doorbell rang at 6:30 p.m., and it was a driver from the hospice pharmacy in Fort Worth. All of my refills arrived except for Hydrocodone, and that’s because the hospice M.D. is trying to fuck with me again about an opioid prescription I’ve been taking for severe chronic pain for at least seven years. The hospice nurses told us he fucks with them, too, and with every patient who’s taking a controlled substance for pain. Holy shit … the man is a sadistic asshole. The number one function of a hospice is to relieve end-of-life pain and suffering, so if my Hydrocodone isn’t here by Wednesday, Sam is ready to rip the hospice a new one!
A NEW EPISODE OF “THE PEOPLE’S COURT”. This is probably my favorite guilty pleasure, not counting “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” “Bar Rescue,” “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” and “Project Runway.” (Oy.)
ASSEMBLING A NEW GROCERY PICKUP ORDER FROM WAL-MART. This week I’m including a number of first-time products, such as: 1) two new varieties of Campbell’s soup; 2) lemon, peach and blueberry mini fruit pies from the fresh bakery department; 3) Green Giant Backyard Grilled Potatoes; 4) Great Value Pancakes & Sausage On-A-Stick; 5) Oscar Mayer hot dogs and a package of buns; 6) John Morrell braunschweiger; 7) a tub of tapioca pudding; 8) a package of six stretchy Goody headbands in various colors because my hair is getting long again; and 9) a nice new cuticle nipper.
Looking back, maybe “crazy” wasn’t really an accurate modifier for Monday’s activities after all. Better choices might be “banal” or “insipid.” (I’ll wait in case you have to look them up.) Please post a comment if you’d like to share your thoughts. If you don’t give a crap, please feel free to move on to the next section. Thank you.DELIVERY OF MY PRESCRIPTION REFILLS. The doorbell rang at 6:30 p.m., and it was a driver from the hospice pharmacy in Fort Worth. All of my refills arrived except for Hydrocodone, and that’s because the hospice M.D. is trying to fuck with me again about an opioid prescription I’ve been taking for severe chronic pain for at least seven years. The hospice nurses told us he fucks with them, too, and with every patient who’s taking a controlled substance for pain. Holy shit … the man is a sadistic asshole. The number one function of a hospice is to relieve end-of-life pain and suffering, so if my Hydrocodone isn’t here by Wednesday, Sam is ready to rip the hospice a new one!
A NEW EPISODE OF “THE PEOPLE’S COURT”. This is probably my favorite guilty pleasure, not counting “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” “Bar Rescue,” “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” and “Project Runway.” (Oy.)
ASSEMBLING A NEW GROCERY PICKUP ORDER FROM WAL-MART. This week I’m including a number of first-time products, such as: 1) two new varieties of Campbell’s soup; 2) lemon, peach and blueberry mini fruit pies from the fresh bakery department; 3) Green Giant Backyard Grilled Potatoes; 4) Great Value Pancakes & Sausage On-A-Stick; 5) Oscar Mayer hot dogs and a package of buns; 6) John Morrell braunschweiger; 7) a tub of tapioca pudding; 8) a package of six stretchy Goody headbands in various colors because my hair is getting long again; and 9) a nice new cuticle nipper.
It’s 11:30 Tuesday morning now, and we’re waiting for two things:
ITEM #1. The owner of Metro Service HVAC, who’s coming back about an hour from now to finish an annual checkup for our central air conditioning system. Apparently we’ve got a freon leak. However, the condenser is frozen solid and has to thaw out before the HVAC dude can diagnose the problem. (We’re melting. Stay tuned.)
ITEM #2. Thunderstorms. They’re supposed to start around 3 p.m. Please let me know if you’d like to come over and stare out the window with us. The heavier storms won’t get here until 6, at which time we’ll have a chance for even more hail damage!
ITEM #2. Thunderstorms. They’re supposed to start around 3 p.m. Please let me know if you’d like to come over and stare out the window with us. The heavier storms won’t get here until 6, at which time we’ll have a chance for even more hail damage!
Thank you for reading this. Tell your friends.
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